Lucky Number 7

Don’t stop. Don’t write to impress anyone. They don’t really matter anyways. Write because it helps other people.

John Saddington via Medium

This month, The Black Sex Master turned seven years old!

I’ve decided to put the redesign aside and get back to basics.

It occurred to me the other day, all the Black gay men I used to read have pretty much stopped blogging. Many have even deleted their archives:

Darian has moved on to the GA Voice.

Trent’s website is gone.

Gary no longer updates his Blogspot.

Karsh is over it.

Sad state of affairs indeed.

I’m having more logistical issues:

Being in a doctoral program, I have very little free time to decompress. And when I do, blogging is the last thing on my mind.

(And more importantly) Having gone for so long, it’s hard for me to post the personal stories without people being able to figure out who these people are in real life. It wouldn’t be so bad if the kids weren’t so messy.

But there’s a lot I need to get off my chest. So we must press on!

Carrying the torch isn’t easy, but I still feel it’s important.

Quotes of the Week: Late Night Phone Calls

Body count really only an issue if all that practice ain’t been put to good use.

Black people have been marching for more than half a century to secure the rights enjoyed by whites. It has not been enough. We need a different path.
Corporate America supports the fight for LGBT rights. It should do the same for black lives.

White people aren’t the only one’s who are anti-Black. Be clear. Be very clear.
Damone Williams via Twitter

Creating villains is the surest way to guarantee you’ll always have somebody to fight against you.
Reexamining the Outer-Planet Backdrop (Astrobarry)

I didn’t know I needed this until I read it.
commenter Sapphire – How to Stop Other People’s Emotions from Bringing You Down

For almost every high school freshman, your first wrestling match is the closest you’ve ever been with another human being. Each match is six minutes — seemingly a lifetime — of contact with a stranger’s flesh and sweat, pressing and pulling on each other until one is worn down from exhaustion.
Wrestling Taught Me How (Not) To Be A Man (Buzzed)

None of these wealthy new New Yorkers seem particularly colorful, hilarious or interesting, and it’s a big bore.
georgehahn: Is It Time to Leave New York

Sometimes people think you’re mean when you really just mean what you say.
Jermaine Watkins via Twitter

No matter how expensive the truth is, it’s always worth the cost of admission.
chaninicholas; Gemini & Gemini Rising, week of July 18, 2016

Quotes of the Week: For He Is Risen

“This tiny Korean man came up to me and said, ‘You got big balls. I like them.’
NYC’s ‘sex spa’ is grossing people out – NY Post

I could take up the torch and fight for bi visibility and break down walls of gender expression and stereotyping, but I have my hands full just being Black in NYC and trying not to get arrested. Y’all can fight that fight. There’s enough social justice to go around for everyone.
So I went home with a lesbian last night.

Instead, my sadness is due to the health-related death of another black man not even close to the age when health-related deaths are supposed to happen. And I’m just as scared as I am sad.
Dear Black Men, Please Go to the Damn Doctor (The Root)

If PrEP reduced near 100% cases of heart failure, cancer, diabetes rather than HIV would there be a debate at all?
Jamie Murphy via Twitter

TMZ is doing real journalism.
The news is doing entertainment.
And presidential candidates are doing dick jokes.
The end is near.
Trevor Noah via Twitter

He said something similar in an on-camera interview with VladTV, suggesting that he wouldn’t want to hold hands with a man on the street out of respect for his children. In the background of the video an off-camera voice says, “So you’re not free.” A representative of VladTV confirmed with Broadly that the voice belongs to Anthony Cherry, Yusaf’s manager. “It shouldn’t matter who you love,” Cherry says.
‘I Love Trannies’: Boxer Yusaf Mack Fights for His Attraction to Trans Women (Broadly)

You don’t have to be a hit to be a success.
Why smaller iOS developers would be smart to head back to the Mac (Macworld)

Find someone as utterly obsessed with you as Doug Stamper is with Frank Underwood.

If you stop learning, you will forget what you already know.
Proverbs 19:27

Quotes of the Week: Off the Beaten Path

Trying to get ready for #MAL2016 and I keep fucking up my nail polish.
Scooter McCreight via Twitter

Strangest Oscar nomination: “Spectre” for best original song. That song sucks.
One of the few times I disagree with John Gruber

Jennifer Lawrence is that white girl in your biology lab who goes on ratemyprofessor to complain about the instructor’s accent.

I was also asked to audition for a part in “The Martian” (not Kapoor), but I skimmed the script and — no offense — it seemed like a boring movie about a white guy stuck on Mars for two hours who gets fired up about plants, so it didn’t seem worth taking a break from my own projects. (I’ve heard the film is fantastic.)
Aziz Ansari on Acting, Race and Hollywood (NY Times)

But once everyone has declared whether they think cruising is yucky or sexy, no one asks: What is cruising really about? What needs, beyond orgasm, does it satisfy? And why do openly gay men do it when there are so many other options?
Searching in the Shadows (Slate)

When it comes to the suitors, in the US, the majority are blue-collar men who feel disenfranchised from family life, says Zug. Blue-collar men are increasingly falling out of the marriage market as blue-collar women are finding better employment prospects, higher wages and opportunities to move up in the world, says Zug. Blue-collar women have started to see these men as more of a liability than an equal partner, so the men who want to get married have started to look elsewhere.
Mail-order brides: old practice still seen as new chance for a better life – for some (The Guardian)

“In all reality these kids are being taught to survive, and not to live,” Mr. Scruggs, 45, said.
Half of New Yorkers Say They Are Barely or Not Getting By, Poll Shows (NY Times)

In prewar apartments, glossy new kitchens are replacing tired old ones. Limestone fixer-uppers are commanding seven-figure prices. Cocktail bars are opening where fried chicken used to be sold from behind bulletproof glass. And the New Yorkers who lived there are drifting away, their former homes renovated to make way for white college graduates and young families.
Gentrification in a Brooklyn Neighborhood Forces Residents to Move On (NY Times)

For men in America with access to health care, HIV isn’t usually fatal. But it’s stigmatizing, expensive, and permanent.
When Condoms Aren’t Enough (The Atlantic)

The goal is to create a buzzworthy scene, push boundaries, explore limits, and pique the interest of paying consumers. Rarely is pleasure the objective.
James Deen, the Bill Cosby of Porn? A Third Accuser Comes Forward (The Daily Beast)

Hookers and Cocaine

I had lunch with a colleague today. We talked about academia, career and getting to happy. The meeting left me with more questions than answers, but it was a great time nonetheless.

I paid off five credit cards last year. I’ve never had this much disposable income in my adult life. It’s weird actually.

But I have no idea what I want.

I definitely want to keep traveling. I have some great plans for 2016. But other than that, I’ve got nothing. I tried dreamlining like I always do this time of year and didn’t come up with much. Nothing pragmatic anyway.

A coworker just retired after 30 years and plans to “disappear for a while.” That sounds amazing.

I know what I don’t want (always).

I no longer think I want a boyfriend. It might have been the Fleshjack that was the nail in the coffin.

I low key want to quit my job and follow Christina Aguilera around when the new album comes out. But I doubt we’ll get a proper tour.

I also kind of want to do something big for my 35th birthday. With strippers and debauchery and all my friends like I did for 26. That was legendary.

Dominican Wifey says this is all normal because it’s my Personal Year 9. I guess that makes sense. But what’s next? I hate these in between periods of my life. Although, that’s when things always get really interesting personally.

Did you see this Powerball video. I can’t stop laughing. This guy knows what he wants. This guy has dreams. I want to be that guy.

Let Go

It’s after midnight. I’m watching walkingh2o post all these half naked pictures of himself. The peanut gallery is requesting dick pics. I’m good with the back shots. I think he’s drunk, maybe high. Perhaps both? A sizable chub is brewing.

Marcus is one of my favorites. I’ve been watching him for close to a decade at this point. He’s the perfect size, that sexy dancer body, handsome in the face…

But what I’ve always really appreciated about him was his ability to let go. When he “goes off the rails” like this I just want to be inside his mind with a tub of popcorn. It’s a stream of consciousness with all these gems regarding sex, masculinity, what it means to be a man, etc.

I don’t have that type of personality.

I think that’s why I loved his Real Life Vlog series (since removed) so much. It was a window into a world I don’t really have personal access to.

Most of the risks I’ve taken (in my adult life) have been very premeditated. I’m not complaining, I just love to experience people cut from a different cloth.

Semi-related, there’s this interesting debate going on with what’s wrong with contemporary gay porn. If there were a spectrum of sex imagery and I were using my favorite black/brown boys as data points, Marcus and his ability to give it all raw and unfiltered would be at one end of the spectrum.

Someone like ShawnQT (another favorite) would be on the other end; calculated and (dare I say) safe. By his own admission he’s been able to wield his masculinity in service of his expanding #sexygeek brand.

Brian Nieh would be smack in the middle; the perfect mix of predictable and “What will he do next?”

We could all use a healthy dose of “Let Go” in 2016.

Daily Posts

I’ve been really inspired by YouTuber Casey Neistat. He recently talked about daily vlogging and how it’s gotten him to work on his craft in a different way than when he was trying to produce perfect videos. I’m guilty of the same. I’m a writer; I need to write.

So I’m committing to daily weekday posts in 2016. Maybe a little stream of consciousness, may be a full post, may be a podcast. Got to keep it exciting!

This should also help my academic writing. It was made perfectly clear in my first doctoral semester I need to be able to formulate my thoughts in a quicker turn around time than I’m used to.

Did I mention I’m in a PhD program?

Yeah, lots to catch up on.

Happy New Year,

– Dr. Sex Master

Quotes of the Week: Free at Last

Minion pumpkin
residual Halloween mischief

This piece should be called “The Down Low: It’s Not Just For Negroes Anymore”
Dehrenstein via NY Mag comments

“If there’s anybody out there who’s an adult and who would like to ask me out,” she says, “please call Harper’s Bazaar.”
I heart Sharon Stone

I’m like a swan. But not in the elegant grace way, in the way I’m surprisingly violent if you get between me and bread.
Sarah Jones via Twitter

My childhood (pre teen) best friend dropped out of a prominent women’s college in her sophomore year to run off to California with her computer programming prof. She got in on the ground floor of some major software firm and recently “retired” with beaucoup bucks. I have no idea what the lesson here is.
If you have an affair don’t have it with a humanities professor?
I dated my university professor – and it was a messy, eye-opening experience (The Guardian)

“I won’t get a better offer,” he said firmly.
Taking A Break for Friendship (NY Times)

From the looks of it, You got all the sugar you need…
I heart Brian Nieh commenters

Most of the single people I know are looking for someone. In general, human beings seem to be happier in relationships. Or maybe happy isn’t the right word.
Quirkyalone is Still Alone (NY Times)

It’s easy to understand where the “fakeness” comes from; there are indeed hucksters, peddlers of propaganda, fly-by-nighters, so people here must protect themselves, but it’s different in Miami. You don’t see these “masks” in New York or Chicago or Boston.
Miami Is So Fake It’s Frustrating (HuffPost)

Ego is cool. I need her to keep the ship afloat, and she definitely has skills to keep me tethered to the world. But she has no wisdom, no new ideas, and certainly no mercy. For that, I must venture a few floors down.
Amy Brenneman on The Leftovers Season 2

Love is another word for obligation. To love, truly, you must be in everlasting combat against your own desire to dominate those who might not have your strength, resources, or status.
The Matter of Forgiveness (Son of Baldwin via Gawker)

Six Years Later


We have a problem (more like an opportunity):

This blog turned six years old in July. It’s the longest I’ve ever had a blog, let alone a public one. When I started The Black Sex Master in 2009, I had just returned from San Francisco and needed a place to put the many thoughts racing through my mind regarding my Master’s experience.

Today, I’m back in NYC and simply put, happy. I still have much to say, but tend to get distracted enjoying my life.

It’s also interesting how important Boston Boy became to the “storyline” of this blog. People often ask me about him when they meet me in person. I guess that’s my fault. Some of these posts read like a romance novel gone wrong. Yikes! I think it’s time to return to me…get back to basics.

Anyway, let’s see what other tricks I have under my sleeve.

The truth is, I’m just getting started.

Quotes of the Week: Digging Deep


picture at Gawker

Isn’t the point of having an affair is that you can pour champagne down someone’s ass and then drink it?
good question BeyoncesNoPantsDance

Christina that shit!
So mad I know what he meant and I didn’t even watch Eurovision.

What was Play-Doh thinking?
That mommy needs playtime too.

Do you like waffles or pancakes?
Cakes. Always.
Jussie trolling his female fan base.

Who has dated a Puerto Rican man? Let’s share stories.
The replies!!

Cheryl Lynn and Anita [Baker] beefing is like your auntie’s spades game gone wrong and someone stood up.

I have encountered 10x more racism in the gay porn industry than in real life. From the models all the way to the studios. I’m tired of it.
Diesel Washington would be a great interview.

I don’t think people know what to do with a black girl who is free and a father who is fostering, rather than stifling, that freedom.
What If We Were Free?: Riley Curry and Blackgirl Freedom (Crunk Feminist Collective)

Music, like sex, can transport you.
cosign with Terry McMillan

Two passionate souls under the moon.
We can dance my love, under the heavens above, watch our world shed away to a brand new one. A new design that is faithful and true. A new life to share, a balance of me and you.
Something Beautiful

We don’t need me-too, we need new and different. And unless you’re gonna do new and different, stay where you are.
ReCode To Vox (The Leftsetz Letter)

Every place you are in can teach u something. Now if you want to learn it is another thing entirely.
Yolo Akili

For the first time in a long time, I don’t know what’s next. This should be interesting!
Marcus Bellamy