Quotes of the Week: Expect The Unexpected


tops that don’t eat ass are homophobic.
William Vercetti via Twitter

I was putting myself at risk for sales associate dick.
The Non-News That Is Usher’s Herpes and Why We Have To Do Better

But in time I’ve learned that Daddy-o was onto something and the ugly truth is that in one way or another, White friends, largely, just aren’t safe to have.
Having White Friends Comes With Trauma I’m Not Willing to Deal With Anymore

And what they are afraid of is me *knowing.* And of discovering that perhaps it’s true: We don’t need them, but they, confoundingly, need us.
Son of Baldwin

Black life is now the South. Racism is everywhere. And at least in Atlanta real estate is more affordable than in New York.

So, I wonder, should I go, too?
Racism Is Everywhere, So Why Not Move South? (NY Times)

Between Hybrid Theory and Meteora, the civil unrest that lurked deep in my soul finally had a voice. For so many years, the demons that rattled loudly in my mind quieted the moment I sung the lyrics to “Crawling” or “Somewhere I Belong.” Chester’s voice just spoke every possible variant of sadness, anger, desperation, and loneliness that came along when I was held captive by depression.
When the Person Who Prevented Your Suicide Dies by Suicide

Does this mean we can have a show starring Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park without those other two dudes?
Jon Tsuei with a good question

Desire and violence run concurrently throughout my world.
The Thrill and Fear of ‘Hey, Beautiful’ (NY Times)

“It’s just hard to believe the dog was nasty when she took Lamby to every green room with her when Girls was still a thing 4 years ago.”
I Can’t Get Enough Of This Batshit Crazy Lena Dunham Dog Story (DeadSpin)

Gay people are no longer weird and scary, and teenagers want in on the party, believing that all that’s required is a rainbow headband and an open attitude…But what’s being lost is the ability to gather as outsiders, in public, after dark, and celebrate that outsider-ness.
When, Exactly, Did Pride Become A Party For Straight Teens? (SFist)

To suppress or manipulate, diminish or demonize masculinity itself is dehumanizing to trans and cis men, transmasculine, masculine-of-center, androgynous people, and more.
Is Healthy Masculinity a Lost Cause?: A Non-binary Person’s Thoughts on New Masculinity

Don’t explain.
Your friends do not need it,
and your enemies will not believe you.
Paulo Coelho

Hello, World!

I want to restart this blog, but I don’t know how.

As Karsh pointed out, privacy issues have become a concern. The biggest rule I have is I won’t write anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face. However, the type of posts I’ve been working on have more complicated issues. And as Trent would say, there’s always a Judas at your table.

Clearly, daily posts didn’t work out. The word obligation means very little to me these days. I supposed I should explore other options that make more sense…other mediums.

And honestly, the personal posts are becoming more depressing (cumulatively). This blog, at its core, is me documenting my single life. Yikes.

But I still feel it’s important for us to tell our stories. I just need to commit. Let’s see if we can’t work out a happy medium.

Quotes of the Week: Black Excellence

The greatest hustle in American history begins.
Facebook friend

Don’t try it with me this evening Twitter. I will gather you like last season’s crop.
Charles M. Blow is not the one.

Silly me to expect self-preservation to take priority over racism, I suppose.
Why I’m Skipping The Women’s March on Washington (Colorlines)

Humans tend to have a difficult time coming up with a clear yes or a clear no. They also have challenges with a clear hello and goodbye. Taken together, these four values comprise the most important boundaries you can have. They are the gas, brakes and steering of your life.
Chronogram: Gemini, Feb. 2017

We each have in us a wild impulse-driven rebel who craves immediate freedom and excitement at all costs and a calculating self-controlled despot who presumes the end will always justify the means. The less mindfully we create dialogue between them, the more harshly they’ll fight each other.
2017: Responding to the Unexpected (Astrobarry)

While Venus teaches us about connection, love and forming important unions, the planet also teaches us about our experiences of the opposite: betrayal, rejection and envy. Venus puts us into contact with the entire spectrum of relationship experiences, from feelings of contentment to incompetence.
Chani Nicholas

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.”
Isaac Asimov

I can’t stress this enough—protect your attention like you protect your friends, family, money, etc. It’s among the most valuable things you have.
I’m Jason Fried, CEO of Basecamp, and This Is How I Work (LifeHacker)

Remember today, since we may spend the rest of our lives getting back to this point.
Tomorrow (Brent Simmons)

Quotes of the Week: Post Sex Mastery

Head in T5

Shit Happens.
Mariah Carey

If you think I’m going to respect a head of office for 4 years who can’t even blend his concealer properly, you got another thing coming.
Margaret Cho via Twitter

My mom gave me game when I was young. She said you never need to lie to women because women will lie to themselves if they really like you.
Message! (Yusufyule)

Ever notice how when a White person starts being racist, other White people around them do the Mannequin Challenge?
Rev. Melech Thomas with a good point

I liked these apartments for the same reason I like literature: I enjoy the intimate trespassing in another person’s consciousness. And like literature, my scrutiny is one-sided. The men did not receive the same invitation to assess my insufficiencies of spatial organization.
Why I Chose Aesthetics Over a Healthy Relationship

And I realised: eh, I’m done. I could be swimming right now. Or flossing. Or digging a big, pointless pit. Anything else.
Lindy West – I’ve left Twitter. It is unusable for anyone but trolls, robots and dictators (The Guardian)

Give your kid a tablet, a game, and some chicken fingers for dinner. It’s easier than talking to him.
Seth Godin – The candy diet

“You will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.”
Single black female BA seeks educated husband: Race, assortative mating and inequality

“Apparently she’s like a sponge,” Howell said. “She hasn’t told us all her secrets.”
A 6-Year-Old Used Her Sleeping Mom’s Thumbprint To Buy $250 Of Toys On Amazon (BuzzFeed)

You Don’t Know My Name

‘Cause did I mention (oh) You bout’ to miss a good thing
And you’ll never know how good it feels To have, all my affection
And you’ll never get a chance to experience, my lovin’ (oh)
‘Cause my lovin’ feels like

You Don’t Know My Name – Alicia Keys

“El Salvador?” (No)
“Colombia?” (No)
“Russia?!” (No)

He had just stumbled across the room. A nice build, cute face, dark features…clearly plastered. We locked eyes and I introduced myself. We were going through my typical icebreaker, but I clearly couldn’t guess the country of origin.

He smirked.


“Oh NOs!” I thought.

I have a few Peruvian gay men in my life. I stopped dating Latino men a long time ago; the gender role bullshit was a bit much for me. But he was sexy and I wanted in. It was already established he liked “chocolate.” I knew what this would turn into…a mental grappling match. I cupped his ass and went to work.

I don’t usually like to like to get in someone’s personal space within minutes of meeting, but whispering in each other’s ears turned into testing out the merchandise. I retuned to my friend.

“You getting out of here?” (he smiled)

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”

Outside Peru called an Uber. He lived in Queens (natch) and we were both eager to put in work. So eager it turned full make out session in front of the bar. He reached into my pants and smiled.

“Te gusta?” (I continued to suck on his neck)

A botched incident with a Puerto Rican a few weeks earlier had me paranoid. I figured I’d ask.

“Do you have condoms and lube at home?”

He sighed. “I don’t like to use condoms…or lube. But you have no need to worry.” (If I had to guess he was Poz and undetectable.) We keep making out, but we both know neither of us is going to get what we want tonight.

It’s so frustrating to meet someone cute, have them be a good kisser (which he was) and have the house of cards fall apart over the penetration particulars. I really don’t want to be on PrEP, but I can’t keep turning away good ass like this. We tussle some more, but he won’t budge. We won’t be staying for the movie. Will have to settle for the previews.

The Uber eventually arrives. We get one more tongue battle in (with UberPool passengers and driver observing). I managed to have him drunk dial me before he leaves.

The next day I reach out. He was kind of a mess, and it would take weeks to get on PrEP and properly breed and seed him, but I was hoping we could keep in contact.

He didn’t remember anything from the night before. I estimate he was drinking for five/six hours before we even met. Sigh.

Oh well. I didn’t have the patience to recreate the night for him. But I’ll keep his number. Something tells me this won’t be the last time we meet.

Lucky Number 7

Don’t stop. Don’t write to impress anyone. They don’t really matter anyways. Write because it helps other people.

John Saddington via Medium

This month, The Black Sex Master turned seven years old!

I’ve decided to put the redesign aside and get back to basics.

It occurred to me the other day, all the Black gay men I used to read have pretty much stopped blogging. Many have even deleted their archives:

Darian has moved on to the GA Voice.

Trent’s website is gone.

Gary no longer updates his Blogspot.

Karsh is over it.

Sad state of affairs indeed.

I’m having more logistical issues:

Being in a doctoral program, I have very little free time to decompress. And when I do, blogging is the last thing on my mind.

(And more importantly) Having gone for so long, it’s hard for me to post the personal stories without people being able to figure out who these people are in real life. It wouldn’t be so bad if the kids weren’t so messy.

But there’s a lot I need to get off my chest. So we must press on!

Carrying the torch isn’t easy, but I still feel it’s important.

Quotes of the Week: Late Night Phone Calls

Body count really only an issue if all that practice ain’t been put to good use.

Black people have been marching for more than half a century to secure the rights enjoyed by whites. It has not been enough. We need a different path.
Corporate America supports the fight for LGBT rights. It should do the same for black lives.

White people aren’t the only one’s who are anti-Black. Be clear. Be very clear.
Damone Williams via Twitter

Creating villains is the surest way to guarantee you’ll always have somebody to fight against you.
Reexamining the Outer-Planet Backdrop (Astrobarry)

I didn’t know I needed this until I read it.
commenter Sapphire – How to Stop Other People’s Emotions from Bringing You Down

For almost every high school freshman, your first wrestling match is the closest you’ve ever been with another human being. Each match is six minutes — seemingly a lifetime — of contact with a stranger’s flesh and sweat, pressing and pulling on each other until one is worn down from exhaustion.
Wrestling Taught Me How (Not) To Be A Man (Buzzed)

None of these wealthy new New Yorkers seem particularly colorful, hilarious or interesting, and it’s a big bore.
georgehahn: Is It Time to Leave New York

Sometimes people think you’re mean when you really just mean what you say.
Jermaine Watkins via Twitter

No matter how expensive the truth is, it’s always worth the cost of admission.
chaninicholas; Gemini & Gemini Rising, week of July 18, 2016

Quotes of the Week: For He Is Risen

“This tiny Korean man came up to me and said, ‘You got big balls. I like them.’
NYC’s ‘sex spa’ is grossing people out – NY Post

I could take up the torch and fight for bi visibility and break down walls of gender expression and stereotyping, but I have my hands full just being Black in NYC and trying not to get arrested. Y’all can fight that fight. There’s enough social justice to go around for everyone.
So I went home with a lesbian last night.

Instead, my sadness is due to the health-related death of another black man not even close to the age when health-related deaths are supposed to happen. And I’m just as scared as I am sad.
Dear Black Men, Please Go to the Damn Doctor (The Root)

If PrEP reduced near 100% cases of heart failure, cancer, diabetes rather than HIV would there be a debate at all?
Jamie Murphy via Twitter

TMZ is doing real journalism.
The news is doing entertainment.
And presidential candidates are doing dick jokes.
The end is near.
Trevor Noah via Twitter

He said something similar in an on-camera interview with VladTV, suggesting that he wouldn’t want to hold hands with a man on the street out of respect for his children. In the background of the video an off-camera voice says, “So you’re not free.” A representative of VladTV confirmed with Broadly that the voice belongs to Anthony Cherry, Yusaf’s manager. “It shouldn’t matter who you love,” Cherry says.
‘I Love Trannies’: Boxer Yusaf Mack Fights for His Attraction to Trans Women (Broadly)

You don’t have to be a hit to be a success.
Why smaller iOS developers would be smart to head back to the Mac (Macworld)

Find someone as utterly obsessed with you as Doug Stamper is with Frank Underwood.

If you stop learning, you will forget what you already know.
Proverbs 19:27

Quotes of the Week: Off the Beaten Path

Trying to get ready for #MAL2016 and I keep fucking up my nail polish.
Scooter McCreight via Twitter

Strangest Oscar nomination: “Spectre” for best original song. That song sucks.
One of the few times I disagree with John Gruber

Jennifer Lawrence is that white girl in your biology lab who goes on ratemyprofessor to complain about the instructor’s accent.

I was also asked to audition for a part in “The Martian” (not Kapoor), but I skimmed the script and — no offense — it seemed like a boring movie about a white guy stuck on Mars for two hours who gets fired up about plants, so it didn’t seem worth taking a break from my own projects. (I’ve heard the film is fantastic.)
Aziz Ansari on Acting, Race and Hollywood (NY Times)

But once everyone has declared whether they think cruising is yucky or sexy, no one asks: What is cruising really about? What needs, beyond orgasm, does it satisfy? And why do openly gay men do it when there are so many other options?
Searching in the Shadows (Slate)

When it comes to the suitors, in the US, the majority are blue-collar men who feel disenfranchised from family life, says Zug. Blue-collar men are increasingly falling out of the marriage market as blue-collar women are finding better employment prospects, higher wages and opportunities to move up in the world, says Zug. Blue-collar women have started to see these men as more of a liability than an equal partner, so the men who want to get married have started to look elsewhere.
Mail-order brides: old practice still seen as new chance for a better life – for some (The Guardian)

“In all reality these kids are being taught to survive, and not to live,” Mr. Scruggs, 45, said.
Half of New Yorkers Say They Are Barely or Not Getting By, Poll Shows (NY Times)

In prewar apartments, glossy new kitchens are replacing tired old ones. Limestone fixer-uppers are commanding seven-figure prices. Cocktail bars are opening where fried chicken used to be sold from behind bulletproof glass. And the New Yorkers who lived there are drifting away, their former homes renovated to make way for white college graduates and young families.
Gentrification in a Brooklyn Neighborhood Forces Residents to Move On (NY Times)

For men in America with access to health care, HIV isn’t usually fatal. But it’s stigmatizing, expensive, and permanent.
When Condoms Aren’t Enough (The Atlantic)

The goal is to create a buzzworthy scene, push boundaries, explore limits, and pique the interest of paying consumers. Rarely is pleasure the objective.
James Deen, the Bill Cosby of Porn? A Third Accuser Comes Forward (The Daily Beast)

Hookers and Cocaine

I had lunch with a colleague today. We talked about academia, career and getting to happy. The meeting left me with more questions than answers, but it was a great time nonetheless.

I paid off five credit cards last year. I’ve never had this much disposable income in my adult life. It’s weird actually.

But I have no idea what I want.

I definitely want to keep traveling. I have some great plans for 2016. But other than that, I’ve got nothing. I tried dreamlining like I always do this time of year and didn’t come up with much. Nothing pragmatic anyway.

A coworker just retired after 30 years and plans to “disappear for a while.” That sounds amazing.

I know what I don’t want (always).

I no longer think I want a boyfriend. It might have been the Fleshjack that was the nail in the coffin.

I low key want to quit my job and follow Christina Aguilera around when the new album comes out. But I doubt we’ll get a proper tour.

I also kind of want to do something big for my 35th birthday. With strippers and debauchery and all my friends like I did for 26. That was legendary.

Dominican Wifey says this is all normal because it’s my Personal Year 9. I guess that makes sense. But what’s next? I hate these in between periods of my life. Although, that’s when things always get really interesting personally.

Did you see this Powerball video. I can’t stop laughing. This guy knows what he wants. This guy has dreams. I want to be that guy.