This post was originally written in May, the night before my masters program’s “capstone” ceremony. I post it now to commemorate my high school reunion this past weekend (that I didn’t go to, lol)
I had a Felicity moment the other day. I was glancing at my high school yearbook and came across a going away message I hadn’t read in a while. It was from one of the more popular (straight identified) boys in my class. It said:
Tony,
You are the one person that actually thinks more wickedly about sex than me. You’ve always been a funny person. Don’t ever change that. Be who you are. And if you’re a dirty-minded bastard, so be it. Keep working hard, keep being dirty, and don’t stop chillin. I hope to see you in some paper or magazine one day. Peace and Love.
Ten years later, that remains to be one of the sweetest things a man has ever said to me.
Because (at the end of the day) that’s what it’s all about right? To be loved, accepted and (more importantly to me) RESPECTED for who you are (whomever that is)?
For as long as I can remember, I have tried to foster open and honest dialogue concerning sexuality with the people around me. The sexual silence in my family led me to ask the tough questions and initiate important conversations no one wanted to have. Talking about sex and sexuality is so second nature to me I often take it for granted. But twenty years later, I now accept this as my gift, and the reason God put me on this earth.
Silence is killing people…my people. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender folk are constantly subjected to physical violence for simply walking down the street. We are still subject to harassment and discrimination at the workplace and we remain marginalized by our families, our communities, our government and the media.
These problems get more complicated when race/ethnicity is thrown into the equation. In addition to sexism, misogyny, homophobia and other forms of prejudice people of color have to deal with the persistent overt and covert racism that still permeates this country today.
Twenty-five years after the beginning of the epidemic, HIV and AIDS in America is now a black disease. Self-identified gay/bisexual black males (young and mature) remain the group most disproportionally affected…and it seems no one wants to talk about it.
Well I want to talk about it.
I want everyone to think about why over the last two decades HIV rates have gone down in white gay men but not black gay men.
I want everyone to critically look at the climate in this department and ask why only one other black man has graduated from this program and how we might be able to change that.
And I need everyone to feel the pain in my heart when two eleven year old (black) boys hang themselves because they didn’t live up to the standard of masculinity set up by society and couldn’t take the relentless harassment any longer.
Yes these are difficult and complex conversations, but they are essential in order for this world to change from the false dream of equality we keep selling to the masses to a place where social justice is accessible to ALL citizens.
I am convinced this change has to start from sitting with this discomfort and critically talking about these issues of sex and sexuality.
As we celebrate the end of this journey, I implore you, my fellow sex masters to keep talking. Whether you were the pervert in your high school or the outcast in your family, keep standing up for what you believe in. Your voice alone cannot create sustainable change, but a dialogue must be started if we ever expect action to be taken.
A wise (feminist) scholar once said, our fight will not end until the majority begins to care about the rights of the minority. Dismantling patriarchy effectively requires us ALL to care about race, class, religion, immigration status and able-bodiness. These, as well as other identities are used to marginalize people. To effectively advance reproductive rights, we must also have a serious conversation about why driving while black is still a crime in many parts of the country.
I don’t want an evolution, I need a revolution.
“Where sexuality is concerned, African America lives by lies. We are long overdue to wake up, grow up and speak up to tell the truth openly and without fear. We are dying in this silence.”
- Leonard Pitts Jr.
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