aka My Single Experience
I was watching Shark Tank Sunday night (side note: this is really the best new show of the summer. Mark Burnett does it again).
If you’re unfamiliar, Shark Tank is a new reality show where entrepreneurs try to convince five millionaires to invest in their companies.
Spoilers Ahead!
On this week’s episode (#4), two ladies presented a product that provided a solution to nasty play yards. Real estate mogul Barbara Corcoran (the only female “shark”) ending up winning the deal arguing “men always want the control.” She completely pulled the gender card and it worked brilliantly.
And not for nothing, but I have to agree with her. There is this new meme going around Youtube called “My Single Experience” where people talk about why they are not in a relationship. Well I’m single because men always want the control and I refuse to play that game (never have, never will).
You see, I’m what I like to call an “Emotional Bottom.” I prefer to take the supportive role in a relationship, but (apparently) I am too strong willed to be submissive. Yes, there is a difference.
And because gay men INSIST on replicating the heterosexual model (you know, because it’s working SO well for them) there always has to be a dominant partner (the man/top) and a submissive partner (the woman/bottom). A few years ago (when I used to be anally penetrated) I would joke “I can’t find a man who wants to fuck me physically who isn’t trying to fuck me mentally.”
It’s hard enough to find men (especially men of color I would argue) that identify as versatile, let alone set up a relationship where there is some sense of parity.
I have four men in my life now that are manipulating every situation they can to get what they want (my time, my sex, my attention, etc.) and honestly I think it’s disgusting. They could all write a chapter in the Passive Aggressive Bible. When did we stop communicating with one another and start becoming so selfish?
If you have a man in your life who only likes you when you do what they say (e.g. give them head, cook them dinner, DVR their favorite show, etc.) it really isn’t love. Genuine love is unconditional. Real love is respectful.
True love is compromise (friendship, romantic, or otherwise).
A sad state of affairs indeed. ::sigh::
If you want to check out a few Single Experience videos, here are some of my favorites:
dportis47 (the originator of the meme)
ShawnQT (Love him, but he’s not even single!)
ayeveej (this one’s pretty funny)
Related posts:
In regards to people being selfish:
I think selfishness comes from the lack of resources (or the perceived lack of resources) available. When you are starving and know there are 10 people in line, you being one of them, and there are only 6 apples left, you are probably going to do everything you can to get yourself to the front of the line….
I think you and I have talked about the difficulties in finding quality people to hitch our wagons to. They are few and far between and there are a lot of hungry people out there.
“Genuine love is unconditional. Real love is respect [ful] and True love is compromise (friendship, romantic, or otherwise).”
THAT is what lies at the heart of your debate no? The idea that we’re forced into dichotomies of top/bottom dominant/ submissive is what creates all the angst you’re talking about. Love is unconditional, repectful and requires compromise. Love is not about YOU the individual it’s about the UNIT. Two people who have joined their lives together. The more people try to subscribe to the fantasy ideal ( or what you call the hetero model) is the more miserable they’ll be. To be a true partner requires selflessness and that is predicated on respect for yourself AND your partner. Love isn’t quid quo pro.
If you’re strong..then be strong! The person that truly loves you, will want you to be nothing less.