Quotes of the Week – Ending 9.26.10

A female coworker yesterday said men don’t lotion as often as women do. I disagreed. Men use plenty of lotion. Trust me.
Mr. Jones via Twitter

NO!!! Not on my Martha Stewart sheets!

I just saved a ton of money on child support by switching to condoms.
overheard by LuvliiYPosh

Ashton Kutcher was bound to get tired of that 50 year old snatch. Why is Demi surprised?
jamz via Twitter

You ever watch a nipple get hard?
Urban Prince via Twitter

If you’re going to send naked pics to my email make sure they are appeasing to my eyes.
Kevin Simmons via Twitter

There’s no place warmer than the back of my throat.
online profile

I’ll eat anything, as long as it’s gluten-free, dairy-free, low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie, sugar-free and organic.
whitegirlproblems via Twitter

So we’re not gonna discuss Angelo’s mail-order bride?
Top Chef reunion commentary by Karsh

Gays are the most powerful beings to ever walk the Earth; by simply being they can destroy marriages, the military…society itself.
Muscle Law via Twitter

Facebook is down. Not sure if we did that, but we should claim credit anyway. Hitting the infidels where it hurts, etc.
Al-Qaeda via Twitter

Saddam Hussein had a yacht, it’s named “ocean breeze”…you’d think he’d name it something more intimidating like “infidel tide.”
Betsy Dorsett via Twitter

Oh man I saw my first real live ankle bracelet person. Does that mean they’re bad?
ilikejoaquin via Twitter
(ankle bracelet person? really?)

Is Diddy’s train ever gonna get to Paris?
PrettyMikey via Twitter

I renamed my iPhone to ‘The Titanic’. Each time I connect it to iTunes, I see “The Titanic is syncing!
overheard by Jacob Cass

Most of the laugh tracks you hear on television were recorded in the 1950s, which means a lot of the people you hear laughing are dead.
DebbieDowner ralphfv

I’m no where near a gold digger. But I’m not fuckin’ with you if you can’t buy dinner and at least three Patron Margaritas.
Trent Jackson via Twitter

Growing up, I was always told to be honest with others. As I grew up, I noticed honesty isn’t something that people wanted. So I’d lie.
Ryan Drake via Twitter

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

Why settle for a couple of days of fun when you can live everyday in perfect bliss?
Trent Jackson via Twitter

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