“The older you get, the less you have to say.”
In The Mix With Trent – Season 9, Show 21: Play
My new thing is when a guy says/does something stupid I recite lyrics of a song that encapsulates the moment. I give myself bonus points if they don’t realize what I’m doing (most don’t).
It’s a petty little game. Fun, but not productive. But I honestly don’t know what else to do at this point.
The last eight years dating gay-identified men have been very, very frustrating. Mentally, physically and emotionally draining to be honest with you.
I expect parity, reflexivity, and accountability in all my relationships (not just the romantic ones). But it always seems like I put more work into the relationship than I get out. It’s hard to see people you’ve always been there for pick and choose when they want to be a positive force in your life. So I’ve made adjustments and things got better…lonelier, but better.
I tried to figure out what my last “successful” relationship was and sadly it’s the one I’m least proud of. It probably worked because my expectations were much lower. He made it very clear what he wanted (in my experience, most straight-identitfed men do) which made it easier for me to conduct myself. Gay-identified men don’t know what they want. If I hear “going with the flow” one more time I’m going to vomit.
I’m actually really enjoying my solitude lately. I’m just trying to figure out my next move. One of the biggest differences turning thirty is I’m no longer making major decisions reacting to my enviornemnt. I set the tone, I determine the course the ships sails. Ironically, I now think I fully comprehend why men always want the control.
They say if you always do things the same way, you’ll get the same results. So when Trent reminded me of a time long ago, when things were much “easier” I realized I may need to seriously adjust my dating strategy.
It may be time to switch it up again.
You can’t change people. The only thing you can do is be yourself. Be authentic as possible to and with yourself and demand that from the people around you. It’s really interesting how you force other people to be responsible for their actions and interactions as it pertains to dealing with you and they can’t handle it. I walk alone for a reason.
In the Mix With Trent – Season 9, Show 9: Mic Check
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