Love on Top


It’s embarrassing to admit, but the first time I anally penetrated another man, I did it for housing.

It was NYC Pride and we had been running around in the Village all day. I really didn’t want to truck all the way back to Long Island at 2am, so when a friend of a friend invited me back to his place I accepted his offer.

He was awkward, but a cutie nonetheless. Columbian, pelon…the perfect size. We arrived at his Jackson Heights apartment and he walked me over to a mattress on the living room floor. I suppose if I wasn’t so naive I would’ve realized he was in an open relationship and this was the trick bed. Not that I cared, I just wanted a warm place to sleep. I was hoping we would just fool around and I could pass out, but he had other plans.

I think I never topped before then, not because of lack of interest, but for two very different reasons:

A.) Having most of my experience at the time with straight identified men, bottoming fit the script. I loved them; offering my body was my way of showing my affection. I wasn’t really enjoying it physically.

B.) I had yet to come across someone who met my standard of personal hygiene, especially in the bum. But this guy was different, and I was fascinated by how clean his rectum was. It’s funny, DJ used to joke on his show about Latinos having “sticky holes.” I believe that on a certain level. I think it’s a diet thing.

Needless to say I fucked him on the mattress
The dining room table
That beautiful granite countertop

Because I was so tired and drunk and it took forever to cum, which in hindsight wasn’t a bad thing at all. We both got what we wanted and fell asleep right before the sun rose.

Thus began my journey into fucking. Subsequent personal experiences and my time in the gay adult video industry gave me a good sense of the prevailing desires of bottoms. I present to you, The Black Sex Master’s guide to giving good dick:

It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission
Arguably the most important shift: I’m sorry, my mother raised me with manners. I would always ask questions during sex and learned over time it killed the fantasy for many. Most guys didn’t want to debrief during, so I had to hone my nonverbal communication skills. It’s a fine line (no one likes a date rapist), but I think there’s a way to exercise aggression/domination and still be respectful.

(Don’t) say my name
Destiny’s Child had it all wrong. If you’re fucking someone and they’re screaming your name, the stroke’s not up to par. No sir. If you’re fucking them right they should be cussing like a sailor or screaming hallelujah like they caught the Holy Ghost during prayer service. Examine Exhibit A:

Notice around the one minute mark when I got the first “Oh God,” I knew I was headed in the right direction. I prefer deep strokes over that jackrabbit mess they do in porn nowadays, but you want to be sensitive to the size of his hole(s) and straddle the line of pleasure and pain as closely as possible.

If there’s not enough milk, they won’t buy the cow
Virility is an interesting thing. You would think my time in porn I would’ve understood the importance of the money shot. I had no idea it was that serious, yet it is.

(No) Clothes that make the man
Men are visual creatures, so things like grooming pubic hair (or letting your chest hair grown in) is not only good for hygiene, but it also makes your body more appealing. The devil is in the details (ie. no one likes to get finger banged with a dirty crack nail).

There’s a time and place for everything
I think Sex and the Brick City said it best: adapting to your partner’s personal preferences regarding aggression, positions, speed, etc. is the greatest asset to satisfying penetration. One trick pony’s don’t get rode (as it were).

Did I miss anything?

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