The Best of The Black Sex Master

Best of the best

When I launched this blog five years ago, I didn’t have any specific goals in mind. I just wanted to claim my part of the interwebs and experiment. It’s been an interesting ride to say the least, lol.

As I near my 200th post, I wanted to reflect on my favorite pieces. I’m unsure what the next five years hold for the site, but I do know the importance of telling your story on your terms will never disappear.

In no particular, yet organized order:

Trouble in Paradise
Hands down my favorite piece. Someone emailed me once and asked if all these stories are real. They are! You can’t make up this kind of debauchery. The piece perfectly exemplifies how silly my life is at times.

Playing For Keeps
Probably me at my most vulnerable. It was so hard to write. I had on Who is Jill Scott – Words and Sounds, Vol 1. for hours as I worked through the myriad of feelings I had (hence the quote). Considering I was paralyzed until I got it out cemented how cathartic writing is for me.

Looking for Love (In All the Wrong Races)
This was my attempt to translate what I actually do to a non-academic audience. I like the piece, though with the success of Talk About Sex, I’m beginning to think the written word isn’t the best venue to get these types of points across.

The Almost Date Raped Story
Arguably the most important piece I’ve published. Sexual assault continues to be a subject no one wants to talk about (seriously); especially men getting raped. Few people dared to comment/link to the post, but many people wanted to debrief about it in person. It was also a good post to begin to play with audio features on the site.

Love on Top
Speaking of audio, lol. Funny enough, this was more about honoring the guy in the recording than my ego. That remains some of the best head I’ve ever gotten, the least I could do was give him some internet infamy.

We Don’t Pay You to Think
For every post in this “black male working” series, there’s three more already written I can’t publish, lol. Also another one people want to talk about in person. I could make a whole tumblr on micro aggressions black man have to deal with in a work environment. I think I will one day.

An Orchid Kind of Love
This was my favorite of the “Boston Boy” series. I remember that weekend like it was yesterday. It was exactly what I needed to begin to make peace with the situation. If you’re keeping up with the gossip, you know orchids have become a running joke in our relationship.

Video Killed the Black (Gay) Blogging Star
It didn’t get a lot of traction, but I think this one of the more important pieces on the site. Trent would often call me the historian and the concerns I had then (specifically around archiving black gay male history) are still valid.

Preferences, Pride and Prejudice (Part 1 of 2)
For all the organic traffic this one got, I completely dropped the ball. I still have plans to publish Part 2, but I’m kind of over the whole internalized racism conversation to be honest with you.

Christina Aguilera Should Have Done the Michael Jackson Grammy Tribute
I’ve done several lists/Buzzfeed type posts (even before Buzzfeed existed), but this one is by far my favorite. Christina still doesn’t get the respect she deserves, but in the years since this piece was posted her legacy has continued to take shape. It was also interesting to see people who have no interest in black gay sex come to the site just to hate/defend her. It remains my most popular post to date.

Operating From a Deficit
I’m still a little uncomfortable with how many people connected to this one. There’s a lot of trauma in our community…I hope it helped someone in some way.

Love in Black and White

Black black

The funniest part of that night: he brought me Hennessy.

Hennessy!

Everyone who knows me knows I don’t drink brown liquor. Besides, we had a conversation about my love for tequila days prior. I didn’t really understand.

But stereotypes are powerful like that.

An orchid kind of love this was not; but it’s the closest thing I’ve had to effort in a long time.

When was the last time someone sought me out?
When was the last time someone worshipped my body? (and not the other way around)
When was the last time someone made it a priority to please me?

Admittedly it was nice. There wasn’t really the spark I hoped for, but what we lacked in chemistry we made up with in kink.

“Ask me again if I’m an experienced top.”

I thrusted harder…deeper this time. A shiver ran through his obliques while a smirk emerged from his lips. He wanted to be disrespected and I was happy to oblige. Got to give the people what they want no?

One Mandingo fantasy coming right up!

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want…specifically from men. And whom to get it from. I’ve also been thinking a lot about my place in the sexual marketplace and how that bodes for my personal goals.

If there’s anything the last situation taught me, it’s companionship ain’t shit if you don’t see the person on a regular basis. Especially the way we socialize men to enter a space, get their needs met and walk away. I’m actually really tired of my future husbands coming and going as they please but not taking my feelings into account.

“I got feelings too.”

By the end of the night I ran out of lube…and excuses. There was no reason to stay in this cycle of disappointment. If I wasn’t getting my needs met, it was my job to find what I was looking for elsewhere.

Hell, I didn’t have to look far. He was on his knees licking up the rest of the cum off the floorboards.

The joke’s on me.

Tammy Hennessy

The Dating Game

The dating game 520x259

He’s Just Not that Into You (Best Date I’ve Ever Been On)

We talked online on and off for months. It wasn’t until I randomly realized he lived near me that I asked him out on a date. We set a day, but two night earlier I got a random text asking if I wanted to hang out then. I was ill prepared, but decided to say yes anyway because I really wanted to meet him.

I drove to his place and picked him up. You could tell he was nervous. He kinda just stared at me in the passenger seat. You could tell he had never met someone so sure of himself. I laughed.

“So where do you want to go eat?”

We drive to one of his spots to get chicken, his favorite food. We go back to his place and talk for a little while eating. He was exactly as I had expected. I couldn’t stop staring at his bottom lip. I wanted to jump on him right there.

He turned on the TV, doesn’t say anything. He goes through the On Demand choices and decides on Love and Basketball without consulting me. Did he put it on because I was Black? I wondered.

Funny story: At the time I’d never seen the movie. In fact, as the Nia Long stan I am, I was boycotting all those Sanna Lathan romantic comedies from the early 2000s because I felt she was encroaching on Nia’s castings. I only saw Something New because Simon Baker half naked was too good to pass up.

Ironically if you’ve seen the movie, you know it’s basically about these friends who became lovers then didn’t speak for a long stretch of time. And that’s kind of what happened. After the movie, I wanted to fool around, but he wasn’t game. The day of our actual date, he cancelled last min. I would seem him around, but we never really debriefed after that. I don’t think I was up to his beauty standards (he has a particular look he likes in Black men and I didn’t fit into it.), but I still appreciate the time we spent that night. Despite being a non-starter, I loved the bitchy/affectionate banter we had. I’m a homebody; silly nights like that with a boyfriend are all I really want.

Praise and Worship Service (Best Non-Date I’ve Ever Been On)

Also met online after a “hey, you live close by” type of situation. He wanted to meet for coffee, but I think it was an ambush for dinner.

“I’m hungry.”

I took him to my favorite soul food spot in the hood. Honestly the best conversation I’ve had in years. Our work is similar, but we were also able to connect outside of career talk.

It was such a beautiful night, we decided to walk back home. I was sloshed at this point. We pass by a church and the singing draws him in. They have the door open and we watch for a while. His smile is brimming from ear to ear, transported to another world.

I, was beginning to sober up and got more and more upset as I reflected on how random the night was.

“If there were no social media, would we have met?”

He looked bewildered, not knowing where this was coming from.

“You don’t go to the clubs, I don’t go to church…would our paths have even crossed?”

He didn’t know what to say. And truth is it wasn’t so much about him as much as it was about how I meet men in general.

We arrived back at my block and I think he wanted to be invited in. I was over it.
A. I haven’t bottomed in nearly a decade
B. Even when I did, I don’t get fucked on the first date
C. He already had several situations going on, I wasn’t going to be another notch on his belt

He has this tall, dark and handsome look going on and he can form sentences so I’m thinking he has offers all the time and doesn’t know how to court someone at my level. We’ve touched base since then, but I think he wanted to be chased.

I don’t chase after men.

I was so invested in getting a boyfriend a few years back and honestly I’m not sure why. Looking at the gay men I know in relationships, many of them don’t seem happy fulfilled. I’ve realized many men want a daddy, to resolve daddy issues, a mentor, or just want someone to take care of them.

I’m looking for a partner.
An equal.
Someone who inspires me.

But that’s not the game most gay men are playing these days. These two examples of non-starter situations that had so much potential, it’s clear I need to rethink some things.

If you’ve ever watched The Dating Game, you know how this goes: I may not have all the information I want at my disposal, but decisions need to be made. There’s always winners and losers, but I take solace in knowing what works for me and what doesn’t. Lord knows that’s half the battle.

Talk About Sex – 110: The XD (Sexual) Experience

XD

I don’t remember the last time I was intimate with someone.

Poor XD! He thought he was coming to kiki with a perv, but once he saw I had did my research, he soon realized he was dealing with a professional sex master.

On this episode of Talk About Sex, we talk life, love and the allure of being the other woman.

Show notes & links:

sexual marketing in the Bay area

“I didn’t become Black until I moved to New York.”

Talk About Sex – 108: The State of Black Gay Media

sexual socialization and XY magazine

Black Inches/Latin Inches

“The Lord asked me to ask you: are you a homosexual?”

analyzing XD’s dating profiles

alter egos online

#DirtyInterviews Singer/Songwriter Metrell Hurst

From the Bottom to the Top: A Conversation with T. Malone

Love on Top

best practices for sexing someone internet famous

“I’m over these educated butch queens, no offense sex master Tony.”

dealing with rejection

Allure – All Cried Out

Looking for a tall, dark, macho man … sexual-role behaviour variations in Latino gay and bisexual men.

Dustin Ross

colorism

“I don’t fit the NY mold.”

Talk About Sex – 103: Me and Mr. Jones Part 1

XD the home wrecker

Charlamagne Tha God talks dating rules on “Bethenny”

XD’s evolving views on sex on the first date

“He was on the phone while I was inside him…”

The Sex That Ruined my Life

Community Emotional Threshold (timing issues)

The German

Talk About Sex – 109: Be Memorable

bememorable

 

“People tell you to be yourself, but then when you go out they also tell you how…”

“…not to be yourself.”

What I love about this episode is how much what is not said is just as important as what is said (if not more):

Will McNair sits down to talk about sex on the best coast, black gay culture and life in the not so fast lane.

Editorial note: I say “I feel like…” a lot when I’m drunk.

Show notes & links:

NY state of mind

The random place Will lost his virginity

messages received as a child

porn as sex education

Mean Girls in junior high school

socially awkward vs. socially inept

Jared Shuler

Nathan Seven Scott

The & Show

Will’s “girly” Strengthfinder (lol)

meeting XD (search engine de-optimization)

dating in your 20s vs. dating in your 30s

“You’re not from NY are you?” (politeness)

“I’m a Disney princess inside.”

Prince Charming

Jesse Williams pic (colorism)

Mario Lopez: Saved by the Baby

being domestic and desiring the stereotypical nuclear family

Next magazine

My Masculinity, My Femininity, My Androgyny

Luna

Will’s one regret in life

GMAD

Talk About Sex – 105: Superbowl Realness

Spotlight: Eliad Cohen/Papa Party

Eliadcohenbw

I consider myself an early adopter of hot men of color. I was stanning for John Cho before his sex symbol profile blew up. I still remember Jay Hernandez’s early days on Undressed. Glad everyone finally got on the Michael B. Jordan bandwagon.

But Eliad Cohen I didn’t see coming.

One day, after months of seeing him pop up in my Facebook feed, I had to ask, “Who the hell is this guy?”

Turns out he grew up in Israel and has managed to use his “tall, dark and handsome” look to launch several entrepreneurial ventures.

Gay-ville is like an LGBT airb&b. But after some research I became fascinated with his Papa Party. The branding is really smart, centered around this kind of modified hegemonic masculinity. The bodies in the imagery are very muscular, but the humor has a good sense of camp. Papa (as opposed to Papi) is loose enough to encompass multiples races and as such Papa Party has been successful all around the world including France, Brazil, Australia and Spain. I had the pleasure to go to the first Papa Party in NYC at XL last February and it’s one of the best times I’ve had in a while. The music was amazing, it was a very diverse crowd and the energy was electric. Nowadays I’m usually hanging at the urban parties, I haven’t really done the circuit party crowd since the Roxy days.

I also got to meet Eliad that night and I’m happy to report he’s really sweet! Honestly, I’m not used to the really good looking gays being nice, but he was nothing short of the adorable persona he comes across as online. Not only will I continue to support him when Papa Party comes to NYC, I want to earmark one of the international ones for next year. They look like so much fun!

His profile says he “likes to see people happy” and it doesn’t seem to be the usual PR bullshit. I personally like to keep my circle small, but he seems to thoroughly enjoy creating this worldwide brotherhood. It’s a great lesson in personal branding as well as getting paid for doing what you love.

Eliad is one of my favorite people I follow on Instagram and you can also keep up with Papa Party at PapaWorldTour.com or on Facebook.

Quotes of the Week: Always Bet on Black

EHarmony

I barebacked before it was cool.
Mason Wyler (who isn’t wrong!)

White boys fun cuz all them swallow.
Speaking of…(Fallen)

At a trampoline park with the kids. Should’ve done more kegels.
I heart Amy Brenneman

What if I look back on my twenties and regret not getting stabbed by a jealous boyfriend at a ratchet gay club not drunk off weak drinks?
BlacKenGod deep in thought

FAMU is an incubator for bottoms. Every man I’ve met from there of this persuasion loves it in the gut.
Gilded_Moments via Twitter

Why do random people on Twitter have “booking info” on their bios? What exactly am I booking?
Head behind the corner store.
True story.

It’s sort of like if a bunch of rapists were combined into one giant Voltron rapist.
commenter MountDewmU – Comcast Is Buying Time Warner Cable For $45 Billion (Gawker)

He should’ve smashed it instead. You never know what sort of useful items you’ll find hidden away in flower pots.
with some video game humor to boot! (Gawker)

I’m sending you to school there so that you know how to excel and deal with white people who run shit. I don’t care if anyone likes you, or if you like it. That’s not why I’m sacrificing. The quicker you wrap your mind around that the better it’ll be.
Another American Promise

White people scream race doesn’t matter until someone makes their favorite character black.
Overheard on tumblr

Objectivity is adults’ Santa Claus
Miranda Everitt via Twitter

Life in NYC is about watching your dreams die a slow unfulfilled death shortly before you do. Not love.
desusnice via Twitter

Of course, San Francisco won’t truly become New York, and not just because New York’s economy is nearly twice as big as the country’s next biggest (that’s L.A.’s, not San Francisco’s, which ranks eighth). San Francisco is too earnest, too eager to be liked, to truly wallow in its wealth like Bloomberg’s New York.
Is San Francisco New York? (New York magazine)

This country is broken. Or, perhaps, it isn’t and this is how it’s meant to function.
Son of Baldwin

I really do love everyone. I just don’t have time for the bullshit. If it’s not forward motion, it’s counterproductive and counterintuitive.
cosign with Trent

It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can’t have them in your arms.
Alfonso Bueno via Twitter

I need to work on telling the people that I’m thinking about that I’m thinking about them.
Gabe Bondoc via Twitter

Be true to you.
Jill Scott

Talk About Sex – 108: The State of Black Gay Media

Mario hills are gay black men

In this episode of Talk About Sex, three black gay men debate the politics of representation and the future of diversity in media.

Editorial note: I apologize if you have any audio issues. And there was copious amounts of wine, so there’s that.

Show notes & links:
The Real Homophobes of ATL
top three favorite current shows (traditional media)
Private Practice
Alias
Looking: A Metareview (Karsh writes)
Queer as Folk
Popular
Noah’s Arc
Looking interview on HLN
thirtysomething
shows centering abounding youth & beauty
Michael Ausiello tweet
the Looking season 2 bet
Six Feet Under
Andre Brauer (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) “A Golden Globe mediocre sitcom!”
aesthetics of ADTV
DITLO/soundlyawake
Five black guys
WA2
Jared Schüler
The Outs
intentionality of production
Hunting Season
Drama Queenz
DL Chronicles (money)
how much is the black gay buying power?
Judy’s (ATL?)
IBYBSI
year black book
Dear Dad
Lafyette (True Blood)
The Wire
E Lynn Harris
Trent Jackson
Doo Dirty show
Drama Dupree
The Read
The Skoripion Show
bgb podcast
bejata
Sex and the 2nd City
Living Single
my Valentine’s Day tradition
Single Moms
New New
WalkingWater (Janet Jacket video)
Fabled Verse
XemVan Adams
B. Scott
Nathan 7 Scott
Brandon/Playboii
Hodgetwins
DejumpTV
AonnectionTV
3LWTV
BlueeyedSimba
RDA
MykeStaples
Kingsley
Jennifer Lewis and Channgela
RuPaul’s Drag Race
Angel Sheridan
Anacostia
Black and Sexy TV
Evolve series
Dear White People
IAMOTHER
Finding Me
FreeFall
Cypher Ave.
No Shade
KEN
Christopher Street TV
Patrion
Blackbird
The Skinny (clearly we mean Derrick’s character)
Weekend
Lorimer
Boy Culture
DTLA
The Haves and Have Nots
Shameless
Modern Family
The New Normal
Greek
LA Complex
Passions
Chozen
Rick & Steve
Jesse Metcalfe in Dallas promos
Jabawokees

From the Bottom to the Top: A Conversation with T. Malone

TASTMalone

Because I used to work in the industry, I don’t use the term “porn star” lightly. It’s work. Hard work. And the kids confuse someone who has sex on screen with someone who takes pride in their work on screen and off.

T. Malone is a porn star.

Arguably the most accomplished bottom in Blatino porn over the last twenty years, his body of work remains unmatched. In this episode of Talk About Sex, we discuss how it all began and get an update on what he’s up to these days.

You should consider all the links below NSFW

Show notes & links:
How it all began
Enrique Cruz
Off the Hook
best scene experience
The Show
Tiger Tyson
knowing your worth as a bottom (on screen and off)
why/how the industry changed
Streetlife
best scene partners
Pitbull Productions
the Take Em Down series
Supreme
worse scene experience
how social media changed the industry
what he’s doing now
HIV and the industry
Owen Hawk
substance use and the industry
why I left the industry
best and worse parts of being in the industry
Hot Rod
dating “T. Malone”
advice to a aspiring model
Remy Mars

Quotes of the Week – Love in a Hopeless Place

Girl bye

I’m verse.
::hysterical laughter::
I’m verse!
Gay Tops & Bottoms (AconnectionTV)

My boy had a girlfriend just like this who couldn’t take dick. Now he’s fuckin a MAN that can.
commenter Winston08 – girlfriend can’t handle deep black dick (NSFW)

Brazen Hussy.
commenter BlueberriesForMe – This is the Canada’s Bobsledding Team (JoeMyGod)

All that money and no rhinoplasty? He’s straight.
commenter Rad – Is 49ers Quarterback Colin Kaepernick Dating Gay Circuit DJ Luis Perez? (Queerty)

Don’t put “non-scene” in your profile like EVERYONE didn’t see you getting fingered on the dancefloor over the weekend.
Drunk Grindr

I am sad. I have no life without Youtube. I’ll just take more Xanax.
commenter Dylan Murphy – Best Breakup Ever

Jesus Christ, who is that hairy mustache stud in the first picture. Can the show be all about him in a steam room? Or maybe a porn spinoff?
commenter Bravo – A Closer Look at Looking

“You feel controlled by the world when you’re poor,” she said. “That was simply no longer the case.”
What Happens When the Poor Receive a Stipend? (NY Times)

If you’re attractive, aggressive and a GREAT liar; you can get anything you want.
Ryan Drake with a good point

Google won’t break into your home. You’ll invite them in.
The Nest-Google privacy statement (Marco.org)

Some people are only in relationships for the pictures.
Xem VanAdams

The revolution will be fetishized.
CharlesPulliam via Twitter