Tag Archives: Conan O’Brien

Quotes of the Week: Summer Shitshow

joeychip.jpg
Joey Lawrence: Chippendale

Girl you suckin’ dick you can’t trust!
Overheard by Trent Jackson

There’s no “I” in gangbang.
Right about that Juven

You can take it baby, I believe in you!
Steve Pena coaching husband Brent Everett who didn’t want to bottom yesterday, lol

I wanted him to fuck me no matter what. And no consequence seemed insurmountable.
Rolando (rock.paper.sissy)

Sometimes I just wanna karate chop people in the street.
I would love to see that Derrick

None of the new interns are ticklish, so that was awkward.
Same here Conan

The only way I’m buying a laptop that starts at $2200 is if it blows me when I get lonely.
@bingethinker isn’t getting the new Mackbook Pro with retina display

I wish Prometheus was called Alien: Havana Nights.
Brian Lynch via Twitter

Something tells me The New Green Lantern will have brown smudges on his power ring.
This is why we can’t have nice things like gay superheros

I dunno how young girls be messin wit these lil boys. Them MFers stink.
Absolutely true Gary. Ugh

Fake tits, fake lips, fake lashes, fake hair, fake nails…and these hoes out here looking for a “REAL” man. Smh
Humor or Truth via Twitter

Happily dating/fucking the same partner without making it “official.” #2012
Amidion may be on to something here

It’s okay to be wrong. It’s not okay, however, to not acknowledge it.
Gabe Bondoc via Twitter

Gemini will distance themselves if they end up in pointless situations or among people who are not engaging.
Indeed we do

I don’t always tell people I’m cutting them off. I’ll just silently do it.
The best way to do it really

Sometimes the way to heal yourself is by expressing your rage.
Yolo Akili via Twitter

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m not compromising that to fit into this ideal gay American image. Even if it means no one will want me.
I’m with you Ranity

It’s nice to feel wanted.
Isn’t it Ruben?

Quotes of the Week – Ending 12.26.10

Are you bad with people and hate money? Consider grad school!
Rob Delaney via Twitter

My Dad’s all “how’s that job search going?” and I’m all “stop yelling at me” and he’s all “calm down” and I’m all “bye.”
White Girl Problems via Twitter

You continuing to date strong minded men and not expecting to submit is like me continuing to date Puerto Ricans and not expecting a few tempers along the way.

Anyone know how to get eggnog out of a leopard-skin Speedo?
Conan O’Brien via Twitter
(warm water and lemon juice…don’t ask)

Listerine is gay abortion.
TheXDExperience via Twitter

Got an email from Netflix saying I returned a personal DVD instead of the DVD I rented. I hope it wasn’t porn…that would be embarrassing!
Yes it would Will McNair

My Spanish isn’t great so I can’t be 100% certain but I’m pretty sure I was just offered sex in exchange for a cup of coffee.
Adventures in Puerto Rico with Mr. Jones

If Robyn doesn’t win a Grammy there is no fucking justice in this world.
Amen ralphfv

I’ve never seen the show but this dude is YUMMY!
commenter Howdy Doody Report: Simon Baker Strikes $30 Million Deal with Warner Bros. (omg)

Who the fuck masturbates in the doggy style position?!
Hershey reviews Black Swan

Is that a banana in that guy’s pocket or is he just happy to see me?
womp womp Simon Dexter

The cunts work for Target and the trade work for Walmart.
WhatsTheT via Twitter
(true story)

I can’t wait for the holidays to be over so I can finally stop sucking my gut in.
Jeremy via Twitter
(cosign)

Can’t wait for Christmas to be over so I can go back to being mean.
Mike Huntington via Twitter
(that too)

If you can’t take two chorizos in your culo at one time then I can’t love you.
Juven breaking my heart

Some dudes should just keep their clothes off because that’s the only time they’re cute.
Justin with a good point

What’s this about people in line for Jordans? I bet some of the same people that were in line for those Section 8 spots.
my money’s on Gary

You know sometimes I really hate my community(s) for how brainwashed they are…so programmed to fit stereotypes.
Wa2 via Twitter

The battle is perennial; yet each of us in our time must fight.
Cornel West via Twitter

When you’re honest and live authentically, you live a lonely existence.
Trent Jackson telling it like it is

It’s hard to hide my disgust, but I’m working on it.
Urban Prince via Twitter
(me too)

My heart never had a hero.
Kevin Simmons via Twitter
(mine neither)

Fine line between masochist and optimist.
Julian via Twitter

It’s hard waiting for something that might never happen, but it’s harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.

Quotes of the Week – Ending 11.28.10

If I can see your pubes in your default pic, then your mom did a poor job raising you.
Mr. Jones via Twitter
(or your father did a good job pimping you?)

Dear skinny boys,
your abs don’t count!
YoBoiPat via Twitter
(cosigns)

As if the TSA couldn’t get any creepier, today they announced they’re changing their name to Uncle TSA.
Conan O’Brien via Twitter

It turns out there’s no good way to nonchalantly walk down a workplace corridor with an erection.
Sam Krysiak via Twitter
(true story)

Catching up on tabloids on my vacation – Tony Parker, a Frenchman and a NBA player, cheated on his wife – who could see that coming?
Bill Maher via Twitter

Alicia Keys wants other celebs to boycott Twitter for a day. Why couldn’t she boycott other people’s husbands?
TrentGrapeJuice via Twitter

Black Friday: the day when everything is project cheap. Coincidence or racial?
Affion Crockett via Twitter
(perhaps both?)

Remember when The Black Eyed Peas were a serious hip hop group? Now they’re sampling Dirty Dancing & wearing neon.
Patrik-Ian Polk via Twitter

Wow, both of them were amazing. Finally [WorldStarHipHop]: BBoy. Real hip hop with a little Asian kid and a White guy.
commenter Guest – Dance Clip Of The Week: 8-Year-Old Vs Grown Man In A Dance Off!

Sucking a man’s dick from the back will keep him a week longer than he wants to be there.
Ryan Drake via Twitter
(true story if you’re doing it right!)

A great marriage isn’t when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Jaimee Paige

I couldn’t imagine having to sign online and rummage through my social networks in search of dates & friendship. It must be sad.
Xem VanAdams via Twitter

To deal with the funk is to deal with the wounds, scars, and bruises, but not allowing it to have the last word.
Cornel West via Twitter

While everyone was busy thinking outside the box, I quitely snuck back into it.
Simon Dexter via Twitter

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.
Alice Walker

Don’t worry about those who have turned their backs on you. When they think they’ve made it they will see they still need your back to lean on.
Monica via Twitter

In order for you to lead the orchestra, you must first turn your back to the audience.
Queer Kid of Color via Twitter

Relationship Fact: The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.
Spectacular Smith via Twitter

You will never fall in love while trying to be careful.
The Quote Doctor via Twitter

Quotes of the Week – Ending 10.31.10

(Latino male and Asian female friends)
I know! You should be a geisha for Halloween!
Fuck you! You should be a Mariachi band.
We can go to the store and get some tape to bound your feet?
Asshole.

I don’t have sex with white people for political reasons.
Wait, what?

I’m just trying to raise my adopted ethnic baby to be as down to earth as possible.
White Girl Problems via Twitter

(White girl explaining why she won’t marry/have children with her current boyfriend)
It took four generations to gets these eyes, I didn’t come this far to have a son without blue/green eyes.

I don’t understand how Mexican hair gets cut.
(with clippers?)
Daboisnick via Twitter

To think in 100 years we will have evolved to no body hair…I’m 100 years too early.
TMI visuals provided by Scrivs

As my 5 year-old son and I carved the pumpkin today, I swear I heard him say, “That’s what happens to snitches.”
Conan O’Brien via Twitter
(New TBS show starts this week!)

If Gretchen’s finger is on the pulse, the body must be a corpse.
Karsh not happy with the Project Runway finale

Ever notice how the most hoodrat, ain’t shit Black men want the most corporate, Ivy League educated Black women?
Mr. Jones with a good point

…so this black dude driving a 2010 Mercedes E350 coupe just put five dollars in his tank.
ImOblivious via Twitter

$300 jeans and you smell like animal porn? Priorities all the way fucked up.
Najah via Twitter

I refuse to always give my seat up to the elderly. If I worked 14 hours straight and you sat home all damn day, which one of us is really tired?
DDOLAZS via Twitter

For all of you new school kids who are wannabe bitches, watch Dynasty to learn how to be a real bitch.
(or Passions!)
Trent Jackson via Twitter

Why do we even have laws?
commenter yrbmer – Ohio McDonald’s Tells Employees To Vote Republican If They Want To Continue Receiving Raises And Benefits (Think Progressive)

I hate when people try to take race out of questions about class/economics as if race has no impact or relationship to poverty.
Aimee Thorne-Thomsen via Twitter

There is this myth that those who commit suicide have deep mental issues. Not so…get abused enough, and you’ll think about doing it too.
Nathan James echoing what I said

Loneliness really gets you twisted…you become blinded to what’s really going on.
Tyler Jacob via Twitter

I took your power away when I stopped caring.
Carter via Twitter

A boy will offer you pleasure. A man will offer you a future.
Amanda Adriani via Twitter

Quotes of the Week – Ending 9.19.10

What do Scorpio’s have to offer besides their overrated sex?
Urban Prince via Twitter

I refuse to accept people who were born in the 1990s on my facebook.
ralphfv via Twitter

There’s a difference between an opportunist and a user.
JuztDevious via Twitter

Just got back from the worst orgy ever: it was “business casual.”
Conan O’Brien via Twitter

Beauty is a light-switch away.
online profile

The Situation has nice abs (I guess), but that face is a real situation. Yikes.
Patrik-Ian Polk via Twitter

I know i’m not the only [one] that prefers a nut swallower to a rose buyer!
wisdom from SexAndBrickCity

Pansexuals are just bisexuals with an extra thick hand-rolled crust.
BDSMBadAdvice via Twitter

This “bling bling” attitude is deeply shaping the values of a whole new generation.
Cornel West via Twitter

It is less dangerous to think like a man of action than to do like a man of thought.
Nassim Taleb via Twitter

I hate people who want to be bothered only when they want to be bothered. You can’t do people any kind of way and expect a warm response.
Mr. Jones via Twitter

Sometimes people change. Situations definitely change. Can’t see those things if you’re making assumptions.
Tyme White via Twitter

Never go to sleep angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.
Peter Griffin via Twitter

Don’t take shit from nobody! Stand your ground! And don’t ever be afraid to walk in your truth…while respecting others.
Trent Jackson via Twitter

Quotes of the Week – Ending 7.18.10

Watching Mel Gibson in What Women Want. I don’t know, something about it just feels different now.
Bill Maher via Twitter

This woman has a very elaborate cold sore on her lip. I wonder who her pimp is.
Urban Prince via Twitter

I had a dream Destinys Child got back together. I was as happy as a nympho at an orgy!
SmurfSex via Twitter

The people that believe that QDoba is better than Chipotle are the same people that think OJ didn’t do it.
TheXDExperience via Twitter

Listening to FleshTone was like taking a bad ecstasy pill.
Karsh via Twitter
(Oh c’mon, it isn’t THAT bad! #TeamKelis)

Lmao….I just read in my timeline someone called The Dream “Teddy Graham.”
Trent Jackson via Twitter

I don’t think I’m difficult to date, I just don’t tolerate bullshit.
Daboisnick via Twitter

Black music is an artistic response to the psychic wounds and social scars of a despised people.
Cornel West via Twitter

If you watch a horror movie backwards it’s about a white couple that makes increasingly multicultural friends over the course of the film.
Scrivs via Twitter

Yeah, he got undressed and put on some Neo Soul.
(visibly upset) What?! WTF?! You don’t put on Maxwell and Jill Scott when you’re fucking a jump off. You put that shit on when you’re fucking your husband!

The YMCA has officially shortened it’s name to “The Y”. You know times are tough when letters are getting laid off.
Conan O’Brien via Twitter

Pretty people tend to bore me. I need to follow more ugly people with low self esteem who use comedy as a copping mechanism.
D0wJ0nEs via Twitter
(Get it?! It’s funny because…oh nevermind.)

Lowkey I would go to the Rihanna concert if somebody paid for my flight, hotel, concert ticket and an iPad to keep me entertained while I’m there.
WhatsTheT via Twitter

“Not standard police procedure”?
That’s Texas.
Those are Black men.
Those are White cops.
That’s about as “standard” as it gets down there.
commenter CitizenIndie: Police Brutality Video: Shocking Texas Incident Caught On Tape (Huffington Post)

There’s nothing that can’t be achieved through supreme sacrifice, dedication & focus. It’s NOT easy, but it’s sure as hell worth it.
Xem VanAdams via Twitter

Whatever you think, believe it!
Christina Milian via Twitter

You never know who’s using you until they get what they want and leave.
ilikejoaquin via Twitter

Sometimes in life you Etch-a Sketch a bitch and act like they never existed.
The Skorpion via Twitter

Things will be what they will be. Things revealed aren’t always new. Sometimes your eyes and time just change and code it as new.
soulforce84 via Twitter

In reality your friends can be your biggest enemy and your haters/enemies your biggest motivation.
JLyricSmith via Twitter

Life is like Toy Story 3, sometimes people just want to be played with.
Derrick L. Briggs via Twitter

Just because you’re passionate about something doesn’t mean you need to be there.
Queer Kid of Color via Twitter

At the end of the day, if you know something is bad for you and you continue to use it or do it, you can’t blame anyone but yourself!
JuztDevious via Twitter

Sometimes it’s a good idea to re-examine a situation and manage your expectations.
Patrik-Ian Polk via Twitter

Quotes of the Week – Ending 6.27.10

I don’t do Twitter beef. I just block bitches.
Mr. Jones via Twitter
(works in real life too)

Doesn’t that Ke$ha chick look like she congealed in a gutter on Hollywood Boulevard?
Kevcola via Twitter

I’m a whore. The sooner I admit it, the quicker I can screw and get that morning after pill.
DaviesGravey via Twitter

I’m boycotting (the comeback of) Dru Hill because of Nokio’s hair. Fuck the music.
Ryan Drake via Twitter

Well at least she’s not selling crack…or her crack.

All they need to clean up this oil spill is ShamWow.
Trent Jackson via Twitter

I miss Danity Kane.
ralphfv via Twitter

Cable’s ability to attract top-tier talk show hosts continues. Welcome aboard, disgraced New York Governor Eliot Spitzer!
Conan O’Brien via Twitter

I know it’s mostly kids but anyone so idle and lame to camp out for a phone or a movie should be used to stop up the oil well.
Bill Maher via Twitter

How soon do people forget what you’ve done for them…
megamanmikey via Twitter

…life is apparently stealing away my passion slowly. I’m taking it back.
commenter Shane – You Are All You Need (AdamIrby.com)

Just because I don’t need a man don’t mean I don’t want one.
D0wJ0nEs via Twitter

We just have to accept the fact that some people will stay in our hearts, even after we’ve left theirs.
Tpromix via Twitter

Sometimes what you don’t like ends up being unexpectedly all you needed.
ilikejoaquin via Twitter