Lost my phone last night! If you find it, that’s not my penis. I was just holding it for a friend.
kassemg via Twitter
You don’t steal a fat girl’s cookies. Especially when she’s stressed out!
Oh honey I know, I learned the hard way.
I bet she doesn’t give him any pussy for at least a month after this.
commenter bitch PLEASE – Katy Perry is an Angel of the Morning (Superficial)
Who fellates cotton candy?
I know a few people Anthony F. Coleman
Girl at the gay club was crying in the corner and when we asked if she was ok she said, “My husband is making out with a guy on the stage.”
Nanooboy via Twitter
Wouldn’t you know it: I get the scanner again and the girl flirts as she selects me. Loves the tattoo on my stomach, she saw it as I lifted my belt.
Steve Pena getting molested by the TSA
I wonder how she’s gonna react the first time she sees us fuck. Is she gonna think daddy is hurting daddy?
Brent Everett gets a chihuahua
What do you call it when your mother’s sister stops blowing you right before you’re about to ejaculate? Aunticlimactic!
The Fat Jew via Twitter
Stripped by Christina Aguilera is the best CD to listen to when you get high.
It’s pretty good sober too ralphfv
Why are some of these southern boys cute but not too bright?
You tell me Kevin
If someone says “no homo,” is that offensive towards gay people?
You’ve got to be kidding me Reggie Bush!
The Wikileaks situation is now firmly centered in personalities rather than issues like everything else in our inch-deep culture.
Dave Goodchild via Twitter
Suicide is a way of telling God, “You can’t fire me, I quit.”
jsmith189 via Twitter
Chris Brown needs a mentor, or a MADE coach or something.
Urban Prince via Twitter
Maybe you’ll work harder if I start ignoring you again.
Derrick L. Briggs may be on to something
Politics is like a relationship with a man. You don’t give him all your time, all your money and all your support and ask for nothing in return.
Rod McCullom via Twitter
It is difficult to establish equality at a systemic level when internalized inequality is embedded in collective consciousness.
Cynthia Ryals via Twitter
Fake friends are like shadows, always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.
yung_freshh via Twitter
Hey I have an idea: How about for 2011 we do what we actually say? Just a thought!
Michael Miles via Twitter
The more you know, the more you don’t care.
ShawnQT via Twitter
Honestly, I just need to marry rich, get a G650, take a couple years and see the world.
Mr. Jones via Twitter
Good guys deserve a break too.
Amen Trent Jackson