Tag Archives: NYC

Quotes of the Week: All In

Audre Lorde hold me

photo via dopegirlfresh

(drunk and confused)
Wait so you know a Yolo and a Bolo?
Yes, lol.

still giggling (Scandal humor)

Brooklyn is over. Done. Finished. Brooklyn as brand has overtaken Brooklyn as place, turning itself over fully to the project that was always its greatest work in the first place: the cultivation of a luxury lifestyle.
New York Observer

Lock your doors, people, and tonight, flush your toilet a little harder.
Fort Greene Residents Insufficiently Horrified By Neighbor’s Giant Leaking Pee Bags (Gothamist)

He’s the King of all Gingers!
Prince Harry: I might experiment with gay men if my relationship doesn’t work out. (Pink News)

Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today’s gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors. Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she’s important to you and we’re glad you have her, but we have no idea why you’d want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer.
17 Practical Gay Dating Tips for the New Age (Huffington Post)

Jennifer Lopez in the “Waiting for Tonight” video is my spirit animal.
Mine too Matt, mine too.

In these economically fraught times, it’s easy to forget that the super rich earned their right to never see you, hear you, smell you, or consider your pitiful existence. Expecting them to share an entrance would be unfair.
NYC Approves Apartment Building With Separate Entrance for Poor People

Got into an argument randomly with the cabby last night about Tyrese’s place in R&B. How does this happen?
Kyle Harvey via Twitter

LOL Rihanna. She doesn’t give a single fuck anymore. She’s just walking around, modeling fashions and yodeling LMAO!!! Get your life girl. I can’t even be mad.
commenter backto1960

We’re constantly told that it takes a village to raise a child. But when I look at the recent epidemic of domestic violence charges against NFL players, I’m convinced we need to take another look at those in our village whom we allow to help raise our children.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Not Everyone in the Village Is Worthy of Raising a Child (Time)

In a lot of ways, these events happening in the world are separating the real from the fake. The weak from the strong…survival of the fittest.
Trent Jackson – Ok. Wait. PAUSE.

All the women in these pages—who went on to become journalists, entre­­­preneurs, real-estate agents, and sexagenarian nude models; who married, divorced, and, in one case, gave birth to a Victoria’s Secret supermodel — say the Playmate title imbued them with a sense of confidence that seems more of a precursor to the sexual freedom of third-wave feminists than related to the objectification and degradation that their contemporaries saw in the magazine.
The View From a Centerfold (NY Mag)

This is a problem much bigger than Facebook. It reminded me of what can go wrong in society, and why we now often talk at each other instead of to each other.
I Liked Everything I Saw on Facebook for Two Days. Here’s What It Did to Me (Wired)

One of the worst parts about loving someone who won’t love you back is the time you waste committed to that person while they’re off doing something without you—loving other people, caring about other things. They show up once in a while and you abide with your undivided attention. Then, when you finally get over it, you wonder why you gave so much to a lost cause.
Stefan Schumacher – It’s Finally Time to Stop Caring About Lauryn Hill

Once you have been mentally fucked all sex after is just a bad handjob!

Quotes of the Week: Time Flies When You’re Having Fun (Redux)


Don’t impregnate chicks that know your Twitter handle.
etfp via Twitter

I’ve met the man of my dreams and he’s an asshole. Plan B?
OKcupid profile

Los Angeles is a lot like Mean Girls. Just without an “off” button. Not that you’d want to turn off Mean Girls
Davey Wavey via his Facebook

It’s hard staying in beast mode when you’re in a lavender onesie.
hands down one of the best seasons of Big Brother in recent years.

Renounce that hair.
commenter Chuck Hoover – Antoine Dodson Renounces Homosexuality: Announces On Twitter, Facebook (ajaxx63 Facebook)

Her hearing fucked up her equilibrium. She was off balance. Shout out to sign language.
commenter jam – Foxy Brown Takes a Tumble (Straight From the A)

Perhaps I’m just ignorant of burglarizing methods, but does being shirtless aid in the process?
He was going for the natural, organic burglar look.
Man Hogties Burglar and Leaves Him in Yard for Police, Goes to Work (Gawker)

GREAT Rapid Fire but Pluto isn’t a planet anymore 🙁
dariusd2003 with the fine print (ADTV)

I hope ABC treats Joss [Whedon] better than FOX did.
How could they treat him any worse?
‘S.H.I.E.L.D’ gets shiny logo (EW)

Realest walk ever: from 125th & Lexington to 122th & Lex. Shit’s a parade of woes…hurts my feelings.
Walking thru broken dreams.
NYC: the land of aspirations destroyed

Someone tell Jay Z to give out a million fucking books for free.
Cosign with Charles Wade

I’m glad I was a square in my twenties.
Crissle West via Twitter

The truth is this: in a white supremacist world, black people cannot survive without ego. You ‘must’ be your own biggest fan.
Spectra Speaks (Kanye West)

You can’t change the people around you, but you can choose the people around you.
Stevie Mackey via Twitter



“What do you need?”

It’s an awkward question. I don’t get asked it often enough to have answers ready either.

When I first heard of Mark Carson’s murder I instantly got a migraine. Not because I was still intoxicated and processing the events of the night before. Nor was it because I work right there and that could’ve been me. I saw his picture and knew this would become something more than I was psychologically prepared to deal with at the moment.

The first internal email came late Saturday afternoon. The troops were being gathered. We were going to march and rally to condemn this unspeakable violence. And I make a horrible company man.

The news started blowing up on social media. “A gay man was killed in cold blood? In the heart of Greenwich Village? This still happens in NYC in 2013?”

Newsflash everyone: the Village doesn’t belong to the queers any more, especially Black gay men. The Hangar is still there, but the neighborhood looks vastly different since I was an undergrad ten years ago. Between the new residents who despise the youth of color, annoying tourists and increased police presence, I try to get out of there as soon as I clock out.

Speaking of police why would I want to mourn the death of another Black gay man with a woman who endorses a policy that disproportionally affects Black/brown men and LGBTQ people of color? And it’s complicated; I love Christine Quinn. I actually like Bloomberg too, but I’m in the habit of letting people know what’s working for me and what isn’t.

The first interview I saw with Police Commissioner Ray Kelly seemed suspect to me. I’ve never seen the NYPD so quick to call an incident a hate crime. He almost seemed happy. Anything that calls for more police excites him. More police is the last thing I need right now.

By the time they started promoting the rally publicly, the peanut gallery was already fighting. “Despite what most think of Christine and her political bullshit tonight is not the night to attack her in any way. Please tonight is not the night. We need to unite and show up.”

Well when is a good time to have a more nuanced conversation?

I wanted to have one earlier in the year when Jabbar Campbell was beat by police in his own apartment, but no one wanted to have one then either. Isn’t this groupthink/no dissenting opinions BS the same thing that gets us in trouble every time there’s a terrorist attack? Have we not learned anything from that false claim of weapons of mass destruction?

By the time Loreal texted me I had an even bigger headache so I decided to stay home Monday. Unfortunately that didn’t make me feel any better.

I had to go to the supermarket to get bread. The (Black male) cashier doubled charged me for my peanut butter and I didn’t want to go back to complain. Disillusioned and uninterested, he clearly doesn’t like his job. On the corner the Negroes were taking about the usual bullshit (“ruthless mafia niggas” and such). I wanted to slam my groceries to the concrete and scream, “A man was killed Friday night. A gay Black man that lives up here. This isn’t Scarface you idiots!” Truth be told, it was just another afternoon in Harlem.

Darian asked where the LGBT people of color were. There’s an article on Mused Magazine with one comment. If it was a story about Beyonce or tops vs. bottoms there would be dozens. I suppose that’s better than Discreet City cracking jokes?

And I get it. I don’t condone any of it, but I get it. People handle stress in different ways.

Today on Facebook Persian sex master (who’s a counselor) asked for resources for talking to African American teens about internalized racism. I wanted to say, “Tell them to forget about it and if they’re brave enough, just get it over with now. Even if you get past all the internalized stuff, you’ll wake up in a country that wasn’t made for you. And it just gets harder to take as you get older because your resources will diminish.”

I hate when I get like this…all Dark Phoenix; kill, kill, kill, burn it all to the ground. And it happens more often than I like to admit.

I had to curse White Wifey out. She’s been begging for a date since she returned to NYC and I just don’t have time. “You’re smart, beautiful and you have a vagina. You shouldn’t be this pressed.” (aka leave me the fuck alone).

She got off nicely. I also cursed out my niece who has been texting me incessantly since Mother’s Day. She recently got an iPod touch and is out of school for the moment. “Go play with your little sister. Your mother spent thousands of dollars (and ruined this family) to have her so you wouldn’t be alone, go play with her.” She lamented: she wants a younger brother and prefers to hang out with teenagers. She’ll be fine: she was institutionalized a few months ago with a mood disorder and is so doped up on Abilify she won’t be giving anyone any trouble anytime soon. Besides, she’s not even eleven and is already over 200lbs. If she’s fat and ugly I don’t have to worry about her having sex in middle school and it buys me some time. I can’t fly across the country to give “the bird and the bees” talk, I have bigger fish to fry right now:

Like my loans
Or grant writing (cause these social workers don’t know how to do anything other than talk about their feelings)
Or saving this city from HIV

Speaking of HIV, another White friend who lives roughly six blocks from where Mark Carson was murdered was upset because I had to cancel on him too. I had to explain what happened.

“Wow. That’s really sad.”

Did he not hear all the queers marching down the street Monday night? Even being HIV positive, White privilege is a beautiful thing; you can just ignore things/problems you don’t deem applicable and carry on. Must be nice.

“What do you need?”

The question actually came up a few weeks ago. After we saw Iron Man 3, another female friend asked me how my father was doing. I completely forgot I told her months ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I often forget who I tell what these days. I would never unload everything on one person (like people often do to me). That would be unfair.

Truth is I need a lot:

I need a real vacation. The staycation was great but clearly not enough.

I need $150 to pay for associated costs related to this blog.

I need everyone to stop calling about their bullshit relationship problems.

I really needed Christina to tour this year. Desperately. She looks great though.

I need to write about Charles Ramsey, Jason Collins, Mr. Cee and everything else that has been going on lately.

I need to finish my damn thesis.

I need to drink less. All it’s led to is crying in front of people uncontrollably and that can’t happen again.

I need White people to be more aware of minority stress.

I also don’t have time to explain to them who Lena Horne or Eartha Kitt are.

I need to prepare to be the only Black person on staff again (whose job isn’t tied to a mop and bucket) and the stress that will undoubtedly bring.

I need a new primary care physician so I can get checked out for hypertension and find out more about my cancer risk.

I need us to be able to have an intelligent, elevated conversation about race and how it complicates issues like gun violence, hate crimes, etc. Cause you know, the data shows LGBT people of color disproportionally face more violence.

I need people to stop freaking out when I say things like that. It’s not the Oppression Olympics, it’s the facts Jack.

I need the media to plaster Elliot Morales’ mug shot anywhere and everywhere like they do when a Black man is accused of any crime.

I need people to stop pretending like this isn’t about gender presentation and higher standards of Black masculinity. When Mark’s friends remember him as “fabulous” we all know what that means.

BTW, I don’t need stories about Mark being harassed at his job by homophobic customers. I need to know what his favorite color was.

Mark deserves better than this.
Sakia Gunn deserves better than this.

Everyone killed by hate deserves better than this!

They deserve allies that are not only committed to the work but know what is really going on and how we got here in the first place. Complicated problems need complicated and coordinated solutions.

What do I need?

Honestly, I really just need a moment. A moment to take a breath: to reflect, to regroup. Another sex master quit her job a few months ago. She cares so much it was consuming her. She was so over it she threw her hands up and hibernated. She gets to play with babies and her dog and other happy things now. I wish I could do that.

Ultimately that’s why I didn’t go to the rally Monday night. Not because of politics, not because of any particular beef. I knew Tuesday, when the dust settled; when the barricades were removed and everyone went back to their lives I would have to return to the front lines for the next LGBT person who needed help. I called my sister, wished her a happy birthday, hung out with Loreal one last time before she goes to do HIV prevention work in Africa for two months and went to bed. I need all the rest I can get.

Because the struggle continues.