Tag Archives: surrealtalkblog

Talk About Sex – 104: Me and Mr. Jones Part 2

Mandingocake

“It makes sense, but guys don’t make sense often.”

In part 2 (Part 1 here) Mr. Jones and I continue to talk about good sex and who to get it from.

Editorial note: the audio isn’t up to my standards. I apologize in advance if you experience an echo, etc.

Show notes & links:

OWGs (Old White Guys)

Dressing the (Mandingo Warrior) part

debauchery at the Hippo

lying on social networking sites

Rising Sun

versatile guys and position double standard

asking for what you want in a sexual situation

expectations for Black men at work

Talk About Sex – 103: Me and Mr. Jones Part 1

Tumblr mhl01xiI7Y1qjdx94o1 400

“I’m nobody’s stop on the train to pussytown.”

In this episode Me and Mr. Jones, one of the funniest people I follow on Twitter talk about getting it in and the politics of being out.

Editorial note: the audio isn’t up to my standards. I apologize in advance if you experience humming, etc.

Show notes & links:

a respectable body count

gay men and biological clocks

9 Signs Your Husband Is Gay, According To ChristWire.org

Revenge of the Black Nerds

why I created an Instagram

making a dating business plan

race and social apps

STI/HIV rates in Baltimore

the rules of versatility

Remy Mars vs. Trapp Boy

Looking for a tall, dark, macho man … sexual‐role behaviour variations in Latino gay and bisexual men

Move to New York City If You Throw Your Legs In the Air Like You Just Don’t Care

sexual socialization

porn advancing sexual roles expansion in the African American community

Quotes of the Week: March Madness

Powerrangerromp

(To Puerto Rican colleague)
Yeah, I can’t really drink vodka, it fucks with my stomach.
I can’t drink vodka cause it fucks with my emotions. (Oop!)

(straight boy friend dating older woman)
…besides her liver spots, she’s awesome!

A hooker, like a magician never reveals her tricks.
Cosigning with Chester Orlino

If you are letting someone hit your snatch’s bullseye with raw semen darts, don’t be surprised when they score!
Shane B. Johnson – Fugitive Wanted For Intentionally Spreading HIV to Hundreds of Gay Men in Tri-State Area (Son of Baldwin)

Walgreens after dark
H/T Cord Jefferson

Which one is better for a young, black, gay man looking for friendship: jack’d or grindr?
Um, the library maybe?

Hell is needing lube but having your ex work at the only adult store in town.
Jeremy with Central Valley Boy Problems

“I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In” is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.
Chase Mitchell via Twitter

Prince Royce is the Frank Ocean of Spanish music.
Cosign

When it comes to Rihanna, I usually just wish we can skip to the drug overdose and be done with her. She makes a catchy tune though.
Mr. Jones gives the best compliments

If gays say “boy pussy” do lesbians say “girl dick?”
Dawn Budgie with a good question

To put that into context: More people visit WorldStarHipHop.com than CBS.com (#200) and New York Daily News (#232.)
[Wow!]
Viral video of beating puts WorldStarHipHop on hot seat (The Grio)

The most dangerous people on this planet are those who just sit and watch what is going on.
Paulo Coelho

Black people don’t dream up ways to kill White people. We just wanna be free. That’s all.
LoveMySkip via Twitter

Quotes of the Week: Love After War

Grumpycatcookies
Grumpy cat cookies by Whippedbakeshop

Don’t come here on Valentine’s Day and not blow me. That’ll get you sent home early.
Mr. Jones had trouble with his Valentine

(to gypsy co-worker)
How do I get pregnant?
(sighs) When you have sex with your legs up in the air like I told you before!

Ladies, on a scale from 1-10. How mad would y’all be?
Waiting to Exhale mad.
Valentine’s at McDonalds

Wiz Khalifa is a new STD in Persia.
Feminista Jones via Twitter

We’ve all been there.
commenter Bre Monteith – Man Arrested For Hitting His Boyfriend With A Plate Because He Listens To Too Much Alanis Morissette (BuzzFeed)

So it would appear that weatherman are not exempt from the male tendency to overestimate inches.
Lauren Bans wasn’t impressed with Nemo

Uh… a threesome is two girls and one dude. Two dudes and one girl is a train.
A train wreck apparently!
Man Stabbed When He Refused To Change Positions During Threesome (NewsOne)

All the black celebrities are in Houston this weekend for the NBA All-Star Game. I’m missing my chance to bottom for Chris Brown.
Mason Wyler via Twitter

I just got my straight bro friend to say “hunty.” My work here is done.
Take the rest of the weekend off. You earned it.
Each one teach one Saeed Jones

If you’re having period problems I feel sorry for you son. Cause I got 99 tampons cause a bitch ate one.
commenter obbsessedwithbass (lohanthony)

$9.00 a hour will barely lift you out of a New York City subway let alone poverty.
Blaq_Majik scoffs at the proposed minimum wage

Django was the closest you 90’s babies will get to receiving Black History.
Charlamagne Tha God via Twitter

When Lil Wayne compares Emmett Till’s face to a woman’s vagina, it’s time to go to war.
Dr. Boyce Watkins

(At Macy’s by the new Trukfit display)
Black girl: OMG, Lil Wayne has a clothing line? This looks like clown clothes. Who would buy this?!
Black boy: White people. White people love this shit.

Mainstream gay culture privileges the White narrative, and it does so at the expense of its own legitimacy.
Todd Clayton – Gay Will Never Be The New Black: What James Baldwin Taught Me About My White Privilege

In the digital age, voices aren’t “missing”, they’re ignored. Media outlets don’t have anymore excuses for not publishing diverse voices.
Spectra Speaks

One option was to lay down and die. The other was to get up and thrive. I chose to thrive!
Jamar Rogers

Quotes of the Week – Generation Ratchet

MST-Spring-Fever-1.JPG

Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.
Jenny Johnson via Twitter

There are some things you don’t do. Getting gang-banged in front of your mother is one.
commenter Fair intoit – Sin’s Decollaring (The Upper Floor) NSFW!

We’re going to have a pizza party to celebrate the arrival of [my new assistant].
Ooh, at Chucky Cheese?!
Na, they don’t let me play in the balls any more.
That’s what she said!
(Shit my former assistant says)

It’s a shame I can’t log on to Adam4Adam without my 8th grade English teacher bothering me.
Oh NOs Ed!

This isn’t a laughing matter at all, but one of my friends told me taking a piss was “at a medium spice, not quite habanero yet.”
He might want to get that checked out @_bingethinker!

Never trust a big dick and a firm handshake.
Now now @Anti_Intellect

Cock-worship is the sincerest form of flattery.
Don’t forget the balls Jeremy!

Think I’m gonna wear basketball shorts at the gym with no draws. Give all the old white people a lil thrill!
DL Dude feeling charitable

White people only like diversity when it comes to restaurants.
Christian Lander

Eating yo pussy like cold pizza.
Not the visuals I wanted Juven!

When is the To Catch A Predator reunion show?
Let me know when it’s on Blowout!

So many beautiful young men wasted on the desires of the dick!!
Fabled Verse has been cranky lately

Clueless has convinced a generation of students that lobbying for higher grades for shit work is a good substitute for studying.
Professor Karsh has been cranky too

You know your Pastor’s a little too hip when he titles his sermon “If Jesus was on Facebook, would you be tagged in pictures with him?”
This is why I don’t go to church any more @de_profundis!

I don’t need a stable relationship, I just need a stable internet connection.
Cosign!

Too many funerals, not enough graduations. Too many baby showers, not enough weddings.
Yves Saint Laurent via Twitter

When your past calls, don’t answer. It has nothing new to say.
Chris Brown parody

Quotes of the Week – Old Habits Die Hard

At least he paid for it. 🙁
commenter nooz – 70-year-old Queens prison chaplain arrested for paying inmate for oral sex (NY Daily News)

I’ve spent more time on the toilet than I have in vaginas this week.
under the weather adult video actor Keiran Lee

Holy god I’m drooling at these Andrew Garfield Spiderman pics.
Oh I’m doing much more than drooling Jonathan

AndrewGarfieldcakes.jpg

If you meet someone, ask their last name; it makes it easier to find them on Facebook.
Stalker 101 from ilikejoaquin

So I just found a bag of weed in front of a church….Lord is that you?
Urban Prince via Twitter

(At home after a night out, talking to a 20-year old on Grindr at 3am)
How was the club?
Couple of fuckables, no real cuties though
Lmao
What you doin? Watching Nick Jr.?
WTF

The people in Cali put avocado in everything! I didn’t tell you to put it in my omelette and it wasn’t in the description. Refund please!
I feel your pain Bradley Cloud

Hipster is a social construct.
Cord Jefferson via Twitter

Ugh, this Scope flavor is nasty. It tastes like…the aftertaste reminds me of cum.
Why do you think I bought it?!

Why are you crying? I’m the one getting raped!
True Blood – I’m Alive and On Fire

I just went through a really bad breakup, so this is perfect!
sex toy winner at the NSRC Summer Institute cocktail party

Girls are like the police. They might have all the evidence in the world, but they still want you to confess.
BrownGirlProblems
(I must be a girl then)

I don’t understand Americans. We’ll rise up when Netflix increases prices, but stand down when actual atrocities present themselves.
Mr. Jones speaking the truth

The best kind of education is experience.
Pat Flynn

The Rules of Engagement 2011

People say “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” Truth is you knew exactly what you had, you just thought you’d never lose it.
SheiFenmi

It’s that time of the year again!

The year of “NO” was really about ridding myself of negative energy that was holding me back. I did great with last year’s rules, but at some point I hit a wall.

Stepping back for a moment: when Mr. Jones tweeted the Quote of the Year, I don’t know what exactly happened (I never asked him), but I know exactly how I was feeling that day.

I had a fairly crazy summer. Not all bad, but it definitely left me frustrated with some of my friendships. I stared at the quote and it resonated with me so much. I lost a lot of people in 2010: some I miss, some I don’t…many I had a decent amount of history with. But it was becoming increasingly obvious it was time to move on.

Then I had an even more disturbing realization: my personal life was the only sector of my life where significant progress wasn’t being made. Work was going fine, family relations were getting better…professional progress was being made.

Then I had a novel idea: why not take the business lessons I’ve learned over the years and apply it to my personal life?! The Rule of Engagement in 2011 is simple:

Treat your interpersonal relationships like a business.

What do I mean exactly?

There’s no one set of rules that govern what makes a business successful (how people define success also varies), but there are some core tenants I think predict whether or not a business will work (especially for small businesses). So for example:

If we make plans and you consistently cancel/are late/are a no show then we can’t do business anymore. If you’re one of my core “business partners” this is a sign I need to diversify my portfolio.

If you’re emotionally bankrupt, I can’t invest any more time, money or energy into this relationship.

Like an employee waiting for that evaluation and raise, if you’re not constantly praising my good work and finding ways to compensate me for what I bring to this relationship, then it’s time to find another job (read: friend).

This works both ways: if I’m not contributing to this relationship then tell me. If it becomes clear I can no longer give you what you need, then free yourself.

All of this takes constant reflection, communication and most importantly accountability. I’ve been pilot testing this theory for several months now and the results have been amazing.

One caveat: I am doubtful this will work in romantic relationships. Sex changes everything and I don’t think we realize how much it can be a motivating force to do (or not do) certain things. But I’d love to hear from anyone who has tried it.

Cheers to the new year. Here’s to living your best life in 2011.

Rules2.jpg

Why Do You Write?

QOTY Karsh.jpg

Karsh, the black gay blogger

I took the end of the year to reflect on the blog and I asked myself why I started writing again. Truth is this blog has been my therapy.

In a world of structural and interpersonal poison, this blog is the only space I have complete control of.

I had a mental breakdown of sorts while in San Francisco and the first step of the healing process was to figure out where I was emotionally. You have to situate yourself within the world before you can figure out the direction you want to go in the future.

The Quotes of the Week (QOTW) was really an exercise in storytelling. If you look back, although I’m using other people’s quotes, the category was always about me: what was important in my life at the time, who inspired me that week, where I was emotionally…

But as one of my mentors would always tell me: Anthony, at some point you’re going to have to stop being a consumer of knowledge and start being a producer of knowledge.

As they say, all good things must come to an end.

Before we bring this chapter to a close, I want to thank everyone who has been featured on the QOTW. You consistently make me laugh and challenge me to do better and for that I am indebted to you.

I also want to leave you with what I’m calling The Quote of the Year, by Mr. Jones. Let it wash over your spirit for a minute and we’ll reconvene in a few.

QOTY Jones.jpg

The next step in this healing process is to rebuild the home (that is my heart), brick by brick.

…to be continued.

Quotes of the Week – Ending 1.2.11

Lost my phone last night! If you find it, that’s not my penis. I was just holding it for a friend.
kassemg via Twitter

(coworker yelling)
You don’t steal a fat girl’s cookies. Especially when she’s stressed out!
Oh honey I know, I learned the hard way.

I bet she doesn’t give him any pussy for at least a month after this.
commenter bitch PLEASE – Katy Perry is an Angel of the Morning (Superficial)

Who fellates cotton candy?
I know a few people Anthony F. Coleman

Girl at the gay club was crying in the corner and when we asked if she was ok she said, “My husband is making out with a guy on the stage.”
Nanooboy via Twitter

Wouldn’t you know it: I get the scanner again and the girl flirts as she selects me. Loves the tattoo on my stomach, she saw it as I lifted my belt.
Steve Pena getting molested by the TSA

I wonder how she’s gonna react the first time she sees us fuck. Is she gonna think daddy is hurting daddy?
Brent Everett gets a chihuahua

What do you call it when your mother’s sister stops blowing you right before you’re about to ejaculate? Aunticlimactic!
The Fat Jew via Twitter

Stripped by Christina Aguilera is the best CD to listen to when you get high.
It’s pretty good sober too ralphfv

Why are some of these southern boys cute but not too bright?
You tell me Kevin

If someone says “no homo,” is that offensive towards gay people?
You’ve got to be kidding me Reggie Bush!

The Wikileaks situation is now firmly centered in personalities rather than issues like everything else in our inch-deep culture.
Dave Goodchild via Twitter

Suicide is a way of telling God, “You can’t fire me, I quit.”
jsmith189 via Twitter

Chris Brown needs a mentor, or a MADE coach or something.
Urban Prince via Twitter

Maybe you’ll work harder if I start ignoring you again.
Derrick L. Briggs may be on to something

Politics is like a relationship with a man. You don’t give him all your time, all your money and all your support and ask for nothing in return.
Rod McCullom via Twitter

It is difficult to establish equality at a systemic level when internalized inequality is embedded in collective consciousness.
Cynthia Ryals via Twitter

Fake friends are like shadows, always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.
yung_freshh via Twitter

Hey I have an idea: How about for 2011 we do what we actually say? Just a thought!
Michael Miles via Twitter

The more you know, the more you don’t care.
ShawnQT via Twitter

Honestly, I just need to marry rich, get a G650, take a couple years and see the world.
Mr. Jones via Twitter
(cosign)

Good guys deserve a break too.
Amen Trent Jackson

Quotes of the Week – Ending 12.26.10

Are you bad with people and hate money? Consider grad school!
Rob Delaney via Twitter

My Dad’s all “how’s that job search going?” and I’m all “stop yelling at me” and he’s all “calm down” and I’m all “bye.”
White Girl Problems via Twitter

You continuing to date strong minded men and not expecting to submit is like me continuing to date Puerto Ricans and not expecting a few tempers along the way.

Anyone know how to get eggnog out of a leopard-skin Speedo?
Conan O’Brien via Twitter
(warm water and lemon juice…don’t ask)

Listerine is gay abortion.
TheXDExperience via Twitter

Got an email from Netflix saying I returned a personal DVD instead of the DVD I rented. I hope it wasn’t porn…that would be embarrassing!
Yes it would Will McNair

My Spanish isn’t great so I can’t be 100% certain but I’m pretty sure I was just offered sex in exchange for a cup of coffee.
Adventures in Puerto Rico with Mr. Jones

If Robyn doesn’t win a Grammy there is no fucking justice in this world.
Amen ralphfv

I’ve never seen the show but this dude is YUMMY!
commenter Howdy Doody Report: Simon Baker Strikes $30 Million Deal with Warner Bros. (omg)

Who the fuck masturbates in the doggy style position?!
Hershey reviews Black Swan

Is that a banana in that guy’s pocket or is he just happy to see me?
womp womp Simon Dexter

The cunts work for Target and the trade work for Walmart.
WhatsTheT via Twitter
(true story)

I can’t wait for the holidays to be over so I can finally stop sucking my gut in.
Jeremy via Twitter
(cosign)

Can’t wait for Christmas to be over so I can go back to being mean.
Mike Huntington via Twitter
(that too)

If you can’t take two chorizos in your culo at one time then I can’t love you.
Juven breaking my heart

Some dudes should just keep their clothes off because that’s the only time they’re cute.
Justin with a good point

What’s this about people in line for Jordans? I bet some of the same people that were in line for those Section 8 spots.
my money’s on Gary

You know sometimes I really hate my community(s) for how brainwashed they are…so programmed to fit stereotypes.
Wa2 via Twitter

The battle is perennial; yet each of us in our time must fight.
Cornel West via Twitter

When you’re honest and live authentically, you live a lonely existence.
Trent Jackson telling it like it is

It’s hard to hide my disgust, but I’m working on it.
Urban Prince via Twitter
(me too)

My heart never had a hero.
Kevin Simmons via Twitter
(mine neither)

Fine line between masochist and optimist.
Julian via Twitter

It’s hard waiting for something that might never happen, but it’s harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.